She Helped Me

ƒσυя

I side eyed Billie, blushing. Everything about her was perfect. Everything. Her hair was blue grey. Very pretty. Matched her eyes perfectly.
As I observed her, she glanced at me and smiled slightly, before looking back on the road. "You doing alright?" She asked, slowing down at a stop sign.
I looked away and stared out the window. "I'll be fine," I sigh.
I couldn't stop thinking about the fact I almost took my life. I almost was able to do it. I was going to. But Billie stopped me. I didn't know whether I was upset that she stopped me or if I was grateful. I feel grateful deep down inside but I also know I could be away from this place if she hadn't been there. My mind spun in circles and I rolled down my window for fresh air. My hair whipped around so I pulled it back in a sloppy bun, before sticking my arm out.
Billie glanced at me, then turned the radio on. A podcast about lgbtq turned on and I laid my head on my arm, listening to it, the wind blowing in my face. Eventually I felt someone shaking my shoulder gently.
I must have dozed off.
I blinked open my eyes to see Billie staring down at me.
I glanced around to see we were at her house again.
I frantically checked my pocket. Where's my phone?
I checked my other pocket, then looked through my hoodie.
"Billie, where's my phone?" I questioned, glancing up at her.
Billie frowned. "I don't know, did you bring it with you to the field?"
I nodded. "It must have fallen. We need to go back for it," I said, my voice cracking.
Billie shook her head and helped me out of the car.
I stood up.
I self consciously stared up at her. She's at least 5 inches taller than me.
I don't know why I didn't notice that before.
Billie helped me balance by holding me up by her shoulder. "Let's just go inside. You obviously arnt doing very well."
I reluctantly allowed her to bring me up the door of the house. Billie started unlocking it then it opened to have Patrick and Maggie, billies parents, standing there.
I looked down immediately, attempting to hide my face.
"Oh, Billie I see you've brought a visitor," Patrick acknowledged, with a smile.
Billie nodded. Maggie stepped forward. "What's your name sweetie?" She asked politely.
I lifted my head, keeping my eyes anywhere other than them. "Arayna," I said shyly.
Patrick smiled and so did Maggie. Come inside, we were just making supper," she invited, hand motioning for me to go inside.
Billie gripped me and helped me inside. My mind is blank. I couldn't focus and nothing crossed my mind. No thoughts, no feelings, nothing.
Both parents walked off and Billie lead me to her room.
She turned on her light and sat me on her bed.
We sat there for a few awkward moments, giving my mind time to start flooding thoughts back into my head. Swirling around, I couldn't pick out a thought to quite focus on until it came to mind that she probably thinks I'm weird. Billie. She probably thinks I'm so weirdo nerd German girl.
I nervously looked up at Billie. She was fidgeting with her fingers. I let out a shaky sigh and and wiped the crusty tears from my cheeks.
Billie glanced at me. "You alright now?"
I shrugged, and looked at her for a second. We made eye contact for a few moments until I couldn't handle it. I looked away, crossing my legs and looking at the floor, eyes following the creases in the wood flooring. The lines were all over the place, kinda how I wished my mind could be. Free flowing thoughts that weren't about ending my life.
Billie sighed and reached over to rest her hand on my shoulder. I flinched and she pulled her hand away. "Oh- im sorry, I didn't mean-"
I shook my head at her. "No no,  it's fine, you just started me, that's all," I said quietly.
Billie smiled softly and inched closer to me.
I felt my ears heat up and I hoped she wouldn't see it. I pulled my hair over the sides of my head to hide my blushing.
Billie wrapped her arms around me and I rested my head on her shoulder. I've never been able to be comfortable in the arms of someone. It's always frightened me that they will hurt me, or ruin me later on.
Reminds me of last event I'm not ready to think about again.
All of a sudden all the painful emotions rushed into me, slapping me like a wave of salty, stinging pain on wounds. I snuggled into Billies arms, hiding myself from the world, like when a kid hides behind their mom when shy.
I tried not to cry, and was able to successfully not, but I still felt a lot of pain throbbing in my broken mind, tightening my grip on Billie. Billie rubbed her hand through my long dirty hair, putting her other hand around my shoulders. "it's ok. Everything is fine. You're safe here with me." She continued to quietly soothe me until I finally loosened up. My mind fell numb and black. I couldn't settle on a thought and before I new it, I was asleep.