She Helped Me

тняєє・ѕтυ¢к нєяє

"I had a fun time with you," Billie says with a small smile.
"Same here," I mumble, blushing. I avoided eye contact so I wouldn't get lost in those ocean eyes.
Billie gave me a small hug. "Everything will be ok. I promise," she whispered.
I closed my eyes. "Thank you."
•••••
I lay in my room, led lights on red as always. I couldn't get my mind off of today. It's 2 am now. I left Billie's at 11. My mother was almost asleep by the time I got home so now I'm just laying quietly on my bed. My headphones were in as I listened to Lovely. I closed my eyes, lip singing along, thinking about Billie's face. Her soft lips. Her facial expressions. Her smile. And her pretty blue/gray eyes. Everything about her was perfect. She was so beautiful in her own way. She didn't dress like every other girl, she made her hair unique, not trendy. She's herself. Not copying all those other teenagers trying to be cool. I admired that. My mother was infuriated that I didn't get home on time. I just ignored her and locked myself in my room. My escape. My life. Oh wait, I'm always trapped in my life. My room is a temporary key. I sighed and changed the song to Billies new song, Happier than ever. I stared at the ceiling, my eyes soaking in the dark, red lights into my mind. Made me think of my grandmother for some reason. She had a small red, toy horse. I used to play with it when I was little. I almost smiled, but didn't. Instead, a tear slid down my cheek. For no specific reason. Just, life. I screwed my eyes shut and covered my face with my hands, sobbing quietly. The chorus of the song started blasting in my headphones. I sat up and leaned my back against the wall, pulling my legs to my chest. I hugged them tight and laid my head on my knees. Tears streamed down my face but I smiled slightly at the thought of Billie holding me close to her. Being in her arms was like a safe cell. Trapped in a box of soft whispers, safety, love and security. I wish she was here to hold me again. I frowned and rubbed the tears away. I had only just met her. I don't even know why I'm thinking like this. She probably thinks of me as just another fan anyways. I sniffled and rubbed my nose. 'Happier than ever' ended and switched to When the party's over. I felt about ready to change the song so I wouldn't keep crying but then I stopped. The memory of her saying on stage to be in the moment, right before she would sing the song played through my head so I hugged my legs and stared at my toes while the song began. I felt my vision fade as the music softly played in my headphones. Don't you know I'm not good for you... I've learned to lose you, can't afford too...
I closed my eyes as the song went on. I mumbled along with it, rocking back and forth. I felt all of my muscles loosen and my mind untwist. All my thoughts went away and for once, all my stress was gone, just for a second. But I relished the moment and a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.
A tear slipped out of my eye.
And I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.
Yeah, I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
But nothing is better sometimes...
I felt another tear fall. I have nothing. Maybe that is better than having everything. People who have everything are spoiled brats and only ever think of themselves. I had my father, and he complete my life. He was the key to my happiness. But now that he is gone, I was swallowed up into a deep, dark, never ending pit of black. Nothing. Pit of nothing. No way out, no way to escape. Trapped. I lazily blinked open my eyes when I heard my door slowly open and saw Jessica walk in, her small hands holding the door knob. I hid my face in my arms. "Go away," I said quietly as my voice cracked.
"Are you ok?" She asked, worried.
"Yes, I'm fine. Shouldn't you be in bed?" I accused and looked up to glare at her.
Jessica looked down at her feet. "Yeah but I heard you crying in here."
I sighed and dropped my head back in my arms, turning my music up. Listen before I go was playing. I hummed along with it slowly. Only moments later i felt small arms wrap around my back. I peek above my forearm to see Jessica peering at me, holding my abdomen. "It'll be ok," the little girl said with a smile.
I paused, not knowing how to respond.
I gave her a small smile back and nodded. "Yeah. Everything will be fine," I repeated. Jessica layed down at my feet.
I almost pulled away but decided it's better if I don't.
I sighed and whipped all my tears away. I pulled my headphones off and laid down behind her, spooning her. She snuggled into the crook of me and sighed.
I set my head above her, no blankets on us.