What Lies Beneath?

Part three

I met my ex-girlfriend roughly 4 years ago in my last year of school. Even before she showed violentor abusive tendencies, she was very forceful, making all the decisions in the relationship and leavingme little room to think, act, and be by myself. I first began to notice that something wasn't rightwhen, I said that I had to go with my dad and step mum to look at some better art supplies they had offered to buy, so she decided to lock herself in my room and smash up all my furniture. To end the argument, I cancelled my plans and I went with her, which was a glimpse of what was to come. As the school year was coming to an end, she managed topush me into alienating myself from all my friends. She bullied me into spending all my time withher, even though her constant presence and neediness was beginning to suffocate me. All thesethings came to a head after she disappeared from my home. She had gone fully. I had hoped that was it, I had hoped she was gone forever. I decided to move out, into an apartment by myself, focus on my art, my college studies.

I'd never really been away from home properly before like this and was apprehensive about meeting new people and making new friends. I got put into a class with someone who seemed amazing, they soon became my closest friend. At first, I was free but then i started getting text messages and letters to my apartment before she showed up. And now it was happening all over again.  My ex coerced me into staying in my flat, saying that certaingroups of people weren't right for me and that I shouldn't talk to other girls. Eventually, if I wanted to go out, she would threaten to hurt herself if I wasn't phoning her 24/7 and smashed up not only my room but my whole flat again when I said that I didn't want this anymore.

This made my position at the College and at the flat untenable, so I decided to defer to a colleg closer to home a year after the worst 3 months of my life. My ex constantly harassed me to leave, and hoping that this was help matters, I returned. I wasn't allowed to see my family, and she would make me wait at her house alone all day until she returned from school. Eventually, I put my foot down and went home for a few days. At this, she threatened to kill herself and told everybody I know that she was pregnant with my baby (which wasn't true, well at this point anyway). I already had few friends, and this made me feel shameful to go outside. I went to seeher the following day, hoping that she had calmed down. The next morning she became physically violent. I told her that I wanted to see my family, and she grabbed me by the arms furiously shaking me. As I tried to leave she threw a plate and a mug at me, avoiding me by inches. At this point, I declared the end of the relationship.

However, this wasn't to be the end. She rang me and texted me constantly after we had broken up, not allowing me any breathing space. She even turned up at New Year's uninvited and wouldn't leave until I allowed her to stay the night. At this point, I cut all contact, blocking her on my social media and calls. She rang me around 200 times every week and hacked into my social media accounts to check where I was meeting my friends and would turn up unannounced and cause a scene. She did this at my new place of work, and I was scared I would get fired, but luckily my workplace was very understanding.

Eventually, she did leave for good. The police cautioned her and i filed a restraining order against her..Everything was amazing until i was going to college ten months later and i feel a small fluffy blanket graze my foot instead of the pavement and when i look down i saw a baby..well not one, two. My babies, a letter laid on them. I picked them both up bringing them in and hold them close while i read a letter...

Dear Brad,

You filed the restraining order against me so i thought i'd give you the punishment. Before you give these children up they are yours, they are yours and they have a part of me in them, i'm always going to be with you now and you can't stop me being there unless you give these babies up and we both know you don't have the heart to do that. I don't want to be stuck here with these babies alone, i'm moving and starting a new life, you were always toxic towards me and you loved me i won't love you any more, i won't tolerate it.

Have fun, Annalise XOXO

And from then, my life was hell. The first few months were terrible, i moved back in with my parents to have help in raising the twins by myself and eventually i had to stop calling them baby one and baby two. I had to call them names so i decide on Abigain and Ashton, Abi and Asher for short. They were beautiful. Eventually. My best friend, Johnny helped me, him and his father, Jericho, took me in. They helped me build my life, and eventually i met a new girl. Yelena, she is perfect, she was the greatest friend i had and i was a regular customer at the small bar she worked. I was scared to fall in love but i did, and when the twins were three years old. Yelena became pregnant with my baby. It was perfect, we moved into a house together that we designed with our best friends, Colette and Johnny.

To this day, I still get nervous if people talk about her, and if I see her, my heart is in my mouth. For a long time, I was terrified to go outside, and wouldn't enjoy the simple comforts of going to a café or a shop because of her. I had some short-term therapy before I went back to the college and it helped a bit. But I did not realise how much it would affect my confidence in everyday life, causing huge feelings of shame, guilt, self-disgust, and powerlessness, which I struggled with for a long time but Yelena helped me overcome that. At the time I didn't properly deal with or give those feelings the respect they deserve so they spiralled into huge episodes of anxiety. Thankfully, I am now happy, i have a family..i have children and i am never going to let her get the best of me again.