Shine Again

Shine Again - Chapter 6

Chapter SIX

My therapist's office was walking distance from the gallery, so I went with my aunt the next day, and walked over for my 3P.M. appointment. I always saw Rose on Sundays.

   It was a muggy, warm day, a thunderstorm threatening to break through at any moment. My flip flops weren't the best choice for walking, but I made it to the building without injury.

   Rose's office was on the first floor, so I went inside and sat, waiting for her to call me in. The waiting room was cold - so opposite of outside - and smelled like nothing.

   "How's summer school going?" she asked right away, once we were seated in her cozy office.

   Rose's white-blonde hair was pulled back into a slicked bun. Her small glasses sat a bit down on her nose as she waited for my answer.

   "It's okay," I replied, twirling my bracelet around my wrist. "I know I'll do fine."

   She nodded, writing something down. "How have your interactions been?"

   This question shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. She always asked stuff like this.

   "The teachers seem really nice. Everyone is... I think they know why I'm here, which makes it a bit weird. They feel sorry for me right away, I can tell."

   Rose was still writing, but looked up to nod at me. "And other students?"

   Immediately my mind went to Miller, Janelle and Wyatt, who always seemed to be together. They'd pretty much acted like I wasn't there, after the second day. But so did everyone else in my classes.

   "It's fine," I said, avoiding her eyes.

   "Fine? You say fine when you mean something else, Addison."

   I shrugged, now forcing myself to breathe. "I feel... invisible."

   "You want the other kids to see you?" she offered.

   Shaking my head, I swallowed hard. "I am just not used to this."

   "Of course." Rose tapped her leg with fingers. "I think you could initial some conversations? It might make things feel a bit better. What do you think?"

   "I wouldn't know what to say," I admitted. "I've never had to make friends like this before."

   "I think introducing yourself would be fine, to start." I nodded, so she left that alone to now. "Anything else you want to talk about?"

   We usually had thirty minute sessions, once a week. Back when I first got to Oak Harbour, I would go more often if I needed to talk. Now, I still enjoyed the time there, but it felt like necessary. I guess that was a good thing. I always felt comfortable there, in her office. It smelled like fresh flowers and most days it felt like Rose knew me better than anyone.

   "I... I talked to Isabelle, last night."

   I could tell right away that she was surprised. Shocked, even. We hadn't talked about Tacoma in a couple of weeks, since I'd told her that I wasn't ready to go back.

   "And how did that go?" Rose wanted to know.

   "It was..." I swallowed hard, again. "She basically called to invite me to a dance convention, next weekend. And I had to admit to her that I haven't danced, at all."

   Once again, a look of shock took over Rose's face. But then she was smiling. "It's a big deal that you told her that. I believe that is a step in the right direction."

   Maybe that was true, but it had felt horrible at the time. Like, now my best friend knew that I had given up on my favourite thing in the world. Was Isabelle even my best friend anymore? Talking to her had reminded me that I missed her, and there were people in Tacoma who loved and missed me. I'd been trying to forget that, for awhile.

   By the middle of the second week, I couldn't wait for summer school to be done. I had a couple of assignments to complete and some tests the following week, and it couldn't come fast enough.

   I planned to spend August relaxing and maybe looking for a part time job. There was a small part of me that was thinking about going to Tacoma for a day - maybe - before school started up again in the fall. Now that I'd talked to Isabelle again, I knew that I didn't want to lose her. I didn't know what the school year would be like, in Oak Harbour, but I knew I would just try to make the best of it.

   I was heading out to the parking lot that Friday afternoon, the hot, sticky air making it hard to breathe. I was already dreading the weekend, since the A/C at the house wasn't working well and it was uncomfortably hot in there. I was even thinking about hanging out at the gallery, as a last resort. At least the air conditioning worked.

   I wasn't really paying attention to anything when I made it to the Bronco. I just opened the door and tossed my bag into the passenger seat, then jumped when I heard a voice behind me.

   "Hey, Addison?"

   It was Janelle, though she looked unsure, rather than confident like she usually did. Her blonde hair was down today, falling around her shoulders. Her blue eyes always seemed to sparkle. She was really beautiful.

   "Oh, hey," I managed to say.

   "Are you busy tonight?" she asked, and stepped forward.

   I was sure I'd heard her wrong. Why would she be asking if I was busy?

   "Uh, no. Do you need something?"

   She laughed, pulling at a stand of her hair. "We're having a barbecue, at Wyatt's. Just a bunch of summer school kids."

   "Oh, cool," I said, without thinking.

   "Do you want to come?" she asked, her eyes wide.

   I hadn't realized that she was trying to invite me. Awkward.

   "Oh, um, maybe," I forced out.

   "Okay. Give me your number? I'll text you the address in a bit." Janelle held out her phone, already on a screen where I could type my phone number.

   Was this really happening? "Okay."

   "Come, it'll be fun," she finished, taking her phone back after I typed in the numbers.

   I watched as she smiled then spun around, walking off towards a white SUV across the parking lot. Then I got into the Bronco and exhaled, finally.

   I didn't usually over analyze things. It wasn't really my personality. But this was different. This could be the beginning of something important, and I didn't want to mess it up.

   The house was too warm, just as I'd expected, so I sat in front of the fan, in the living room when I got back. Sweat droplets were already forming on my face as I looked at my phone. It had been fifteen minutes since I talked to Janelle. Was she really going to text? Why did she really invite me? Would I actually go to this "barbecue" if she did text? Not only was I concerned about a get together with a bunch of people I didn't know, it felt wrong for other reasons. It had been months since I'd had a friend, besides my therapist. She wasn't really my friend, since my aunt paid her to hang out with me. But did allowing myself to make new friends mean I was forgetting about my old ones? Did that me a hypocrite, or a bad person? I was in Oak Harbour now, it wasn't like I could do anything about that. Making friends would definitely make for a better senior year.

   So I sat there, in front of the fan, looking at my phone. Hoping Janelle would really text, so I could maybe, possibly, start to change the way I'd been for so long.