It's currently 10pm and we're all hanging out at the beach. We came here around 4 pm but lost track of time and decided to stay longer. We're sitting in a circle with a small fire that Chase managed to start with some wood and his lighter.
Honestly i haven't been feeling quite well today. Not physically but mostly mentally. I don't know i've been overthinking a lot recently and it's really exhausting.
I silently watch the waves crash on the sand as the others laugh about random stuff.
"Dude I remember that shit was so funny!" i hear rudy say but i have no idea what they're talking about.
I'm put out of my trance by someone nudging my shoulder. When i look up to my right i'm met with Drew's questioning gaze on me.
"you're really quiet tonight." he whispers near my ears.
"yeah i'm relaxing." i lie a little.
He seems to look at me hesitantly for a moment but then nods and turns back to the group.
Oh that's it? Why do i kinda wish he would've seen through my lie and asked if i was okay? I'm really pathetic right now i could cry.
I have no idea why i suddenly feel so out of place. Like i'll never belong here and i'm wasting everyone's time.
I really thought i healed from this part of myself. The part that overthinks everything, that feels like a burden all the time. But it's all coming back and i hate it. Guess I'm just bad at healing.
I sigh and grab my phone trying to see what time it is.
10:30pm
"Y/n could you give me my shirt next to you please?" JD asks and i reach for it. I toss it at him and he catches it thanking me.
And their laughter are back but i'm too busy in my head to care.
I'm so boring. Everyone is having a great time but all i can think about is going home, lay in my bed and cry.
So that's what i do. I stand up, grab my bag and leave. And my heart drops a little more when i see no one noticed me leaving. I don't blame them, they're having a good time.
I make my way back to the streets and stop to try to call an uber. And the only one i can find is there in 15 minutes. Great.
I don't know why but that was like the reaching point and i feel tears falling down my cheeks. I wipe them with the back of my hand but they just keep falling.
I sit down on the side of the road and drop my head in my arms.
"Y/n?" i hear someone call softly and the familiar voice makes me freeze.
I feel someone sit next to me and when i look up it's Drew.
"Hey why are you crying? Are you okay?" he asks worriedly as soon as he sees my wet face.
"Ughh yeah don't worry i just- i'm fine." i try to say but the way he looks at me tells me he's not buying it.
I sob a little more and he pulls me closer to him. I feel him hug me and i weirdly wanna stay here forever.
"Y/n i'm your friend i and care about you. You can tell me when somethings wrong." he says still holding me.
"I know i just really wanna be alone right now." i tell him pulling away but honestly i don't really know what i want right now.
I don't wanna push him away but ever since i discovered i had feelings for him i tried keeping my distance. I'm just terrified of getting hurt and him not reciprocating the feelings would just be too much.
