I've never been more stressed for a scene. Even the underwater scenes don't scare me that much.
Right now i'm laying on my bed thinking about tomorrow and i'm so nervous. I play Rafe's love interest in this season of outer banks and of course i knew that would mean a kissing scene would happen but when i first read the script i didn't plan on having a crush on Drew.
I lazily get out of my bed and make my way to the living room where madelyn and madison are hanging out.
"girls?" i say sighing when i enter the living room.
They both turn to me and frown once they catch my worried expression.
"What's wrong?" madelyn asks making some space for me to sit between them on the couch.
"I'm so fucking nervous." i say throwing my head back.
"oh yeah...the big scene." madison says smirking at me.
"stop making fun of me i literally feel like throwing up!" i answer.
"girl it's okay to feel nervous. you've been crushing on him for the longest time. like lonnnnngest time." madelyn says and i roll my eyes.
they've known about my crush since the beginning cause i can't seem to keep anything from them. They caught on on me staring at me, or constantly talking about him and i had to tell them. They've tried to play cupid a few times but stopped once they noticed i was uncomfortable.
"yeah yeah no need to rub it in." i tell her "and that's enough time to come to the conclusion that he doesn't like me back." i say
They both look at each other and sigh.
"what?" i ask confused
"girl the sexual tension between you two is so thick we could cut it with a knife." madison starts
"for real sometimes i feel like i'm third wheeling." madelyn continues
"y'all are so stupid. none of this is true." i say feeling flustered.
"Oh yeah? Remember when we got ice cream and you were eating like a pig and got some on your chin..." madelyn starts
"OMG yes and then you were gonna clean it up but he reached with his thumb and then he fucking licked it off his finger while making intense eye contact with you." madison finishes the story way too excited.
"it was not like that. I mean it did make me feel a lot of things but i think it was innocent to him." i say feeling my cheeks burn at the memory.
"sure." they both say clearly disagreeing with my theory.
"Why are you even that nervous. Just act like it's a part of your character's feelings and you're fine." madelyn suggests.
"I don't know it just feels way too real all at once. Like i'm so used to liking him on a distance and not doing anything about it that this sudden shift in our relationship makes me so irrationally anxious. I'm scared i'll just screw everything up and everyone'll notice something is up." i say honestly and i see madison's eyes soften.
"baby i know you can't control your nerves but i know you and i know you'll do amazing today. Drew's really professional and i know he'll make everything to make you as comfortable as possible." she says while side hugging me.
"but what if that's what hurts the most?" i say laying back on the couch and closing my eyes as i feel myself getting too deep in my feelings. "what if him only being professional and not reacting the same way as i am is what kills me. He'll just kiss me and then they'll yell 'cut' and he'll just act like nothing ever happened while i'll probably be a mess. What if this is too much of a confirmation that he doesn't like me back for me to handle." i say feeling the tears in my eyes but i feel like ranting so i keep talking.
