Nothing more. Nothing less. Than an experiment

.

Sorry guys but I don't think I'm going to be finishing this story. I don't like it and I've been told it's confusing, bad and overall doesn't make sense. Also, TW for things like Su1c1fe and all that do if you hate that stuff please exit, this is a vent.

Vent:
I've lost all motivation, my best friend tried to kill themself and I was recently told my friend hung themself on the 7th and didn't make it. I tried to be there for him but I couldn't make him feel better at all. I knew he was depressed but I didn't think to try brighten his day, I couldn't of fucking did something. I texted him on that day if I was only active longer than things could've changed.

Also the death of my great grandad is coming back to me. I feel guilt for not showing my appreciation towards him more, he was so kind I love him so much but never told him. And I'm scared. Thoughts of my parents dying are constantly on my mind. I've suffered with covid, along with my mum and my siblings. Im scared, I don't want to loose anyone else close to me. I wouldn't know what to do, but I can't tell them because I'm too fucking awkward.

I hate my body. My friends tell eachother how pretty they are, how nice their figure is. I've never gotten a compliment like that. The other day I heard my friend say to my other friend that they are way prettier than me. So I changed my style. But as every younger sister does, they copy you. So now I just feel like I'm at the lowest of low, I don't know how to tell my friends because I don't want to be a burden. Even when I told them a fraction of this. They responded with like "I'm sorry" and "are you feeling ok" and j feel really un greatful for saying this but could they not even try? They don't give a shit about me. Im just a person that they know to them, they're being kind to me out of human nature. The only thing that's stopping me from milking myself is how upset my parents would be. Because I know I can never tell them any if this so they'll  be left confused.

I feel like such a disappointment. All my siblings are so talented, smart and have such high hopes for the future. On the other side is me. All I want to do before I die is have drunk sex and get a pet turtle. Once everyone who cares about me somehow Slides out me life, I'll be next.
I've lost motivation to keep my body functional. I hate it so much. All I do is eat and stay inside. I need to do so much to make myself feel pretty, but even then I hide my hideous figure.

I guess every wattpad creator who's story blew up needs some dramatic and depressing story to say why they haven't been active. Don't they?
I feel love the support this story has gotten tho. It makes me so happy to see that people somewhat like my story, you guys make a huge impact in my life.