I mess up a lot and sometimes I push people away, but then later I feel all alone. I sometimes don't like big crowds, yet I just want to have a lot of friends and be in big crowds. I want to be smarter, prettier, more confident, and braver. Only that will never happen, because if I was any of that I would just mess it up. I would later on start goofing off, ruin my looks by doing something stupid, let a bunch of negative thoughts get in my head, and soon let my fears take over. I would be like I am now and it will probably never change. Sometimes I ruin everything, yet when I try to fix something I make it ten times worse. I think sometimes how can people love me if I really don't even love myself. I was getting better, but I'm afraid I am falling back into the darkness. I'm scared that it's always going to be there waiting for me to mess up so bad that I will be back where I started. It's hard to escape the darkness and it's a very scary place to be. It just seems like I'm always going to be back in the darkness, because I'm a mess and I wouldn't be me if I didn't go back to my old ways.
YOU ARE READING
Stuff Going On In The World
RandomLove at first sight, people always makes it seem better than it really is. You think that everything is going to be magical and just so wonderful. You think that this kind of love is different that it’s going to make everyone just envy you. Only...
