After over a year, I've finally faced the past (this diary lol) and realized that the best way to end this, is write the final chapter.
So here I am writing this, laying in bed and realizing how wrong I was with my assumptions and statements before a year.
I would like to go back in time one year and tell myself that everything will be alright, that I will be happy (okay...sometimes sad but that's fine), surrounded by people that care for me and in a relationship.
I would talk about all the wonderful stuff that has happened and how I made new and dropped other friends.
I will probably never get the chance to tell my younger self that, but it doesn't matter.
In the end everything turned out for the better
Even if there were times when I struggled and almost gave up, people were there for me, still are, and I am happy that I never fell again.
*
when I braced myself for this diary, I could have never imagined how bad my mental state at that time was.
I couldn't remember writing some of this, I sure knew that it was bad, but this bad?
I was shocked.
I've come to love myself and my life more.
I've observed my surroundings more to find possible black sheep and sorted those out, but I've also met amazing human beings.
I've come to realize that I am so important to many people I know,
And that I could rely on them more.
I am still wayyyyy too nice sometimes and my ability to say „no" has not really improved either (hehe), but I am trying.
There were some times when I would be reminded that I couldn't trust anyone, that the world is cruel and there is no reason to liv- Wait- I'm not allowed to say that. (Don't make su!cidal jokes if you're recovering)
Every time something happened, there would immediately be someone by my side to help me up again, something to lighten my mood and something to ease the pain. (Even chocolate)
Looking back on that time, I've improved.
I'm proud of myself for that.
Love yourself, don't let others get to you and bring you down.
Fall, stand up, Fall again (I'm clumsy, okay?) and keep going.
There is a reason you are still alive,
You wouldn't be otherwise, right?
Keep going, I love you.
Yes, this is for myself in the past, right now and in the Future.
Keep going.
You.
Are.
Worth.
It.
