BTS IMAGINES BY @youmeandi7💜

'I won't let you go.....'

Note: this oneshot is slightly inspired by the drama "Tempted", but It's my original story and It's not the same

Warning!: story contains signs of self-harming, anorexia, depression, anxiety etc

Jeon Jungkook, Kim Seokjin (oneshot):
Author's POV:
You were standing there on the rooftop at night as it was raining heavily. Memories flew in your mind on repeat as you smiled sadly. Yes, you wanted to jump. There was no reason seen to be alive for you. You just didn't see it. It looked like you were just a burden and you deserve to die. The voices in your head that were trying to push you down the hill, were louder and louder. Your head and ears hurt from the loud noises that you heard. You were indeed blinded by your anxiety and depression. Tears running down your cheeks rapidly, mixing with the rain drops as the wind washed them off of your face. Your heart clenched, stomach hurt, eyes closed as you remembered all the times you were happy, but it wasn't enough for you. You needed a sign, a reason why to stay. You needed a prove that someone in this world loves you, but you just didn't see anyone.

Y/N's POV:
'Y-Y/N?! Y/N p-please....w-what are you doing?! Come here!' I heard Jin's voice, but I couldn't look at him, knowing I would broke down. 'J-Jin-ah.' I said weakly. 'Y-You can go, d-don't worry about me, I'm just looking at the view.' 'In the rain?! Do you think I'm stupid?! Come here Y/Naaah!' He said, but I shook my head. 'Y/N! Y/N please stop! C-Can we talk?' I heard Jungkook's voice, his voice made a lake in my eyes. 'Talk about what Jeon?...I'm very sorry, but please let me speak!' I said looking down the building. 'I'm very sorry guys, especially to you Jungkook. You were right....I-I misunderstood your feelings towards me and ruined your relationship with Lia. I-I....It's just that I thought....I thought that someone finally loved me, but turns out I'm just a burden for everyone that comes in my life. You were right. I'm selfish as fuck, I'm spoiled and annoying. How could someone love a girl like me, right?' I chuckled bitterly. 'My own mother doesn't like me. My father doesn't care and all that I was ever good for was making them money.....I've never experienced love from someone. I-I blamed you for leading me on while it was me who built an imagination wall infront of my eyes. I put on a red sunglasses without realizing that the world around me was pitch black, no feelings for me. I wanted to keep you from other girls so bad that I crossed the line. I was getting possesive around you, cause you were the only person that could open my heart. You were the only person who had the key and I didn't want you to break it so badly that I just became insane till the point when you started to distance yourself from me and in seconds it broke, but not with your intentions. It was all mine fault.' I cried out. 'Y/N-' 'No let me speak! You know....there's a difference between being loved and being valued and I misunderstood it. I wasn't love for sure by you and I can just hope that I was being valued in your life at least a little bit. I-It hurts me like hell that I have to let you go....t-that's why I have to do this. I have to jump just to remove this burden I am. I really have to or else I will still wait for impossible to happen. I'm toxic as fuck, I'm disgusting and I'm not worth to be alive. I've lost, own, failed, cried, laughed, loved, but never have I ever been loved by someone and I can't live with this feeling anymore. Everyday I hate myself more and more. I'm an anorexic....that's why I got so skinny. I've been cutting myself and two days ago I almost passed away due to lack of blood. Thanks to my 'perfect doctor mother' who saved me. S-She knows all of this and still doesn't care! Do you believe this? Her own fucking daughter!' I said and finally looked at them that were crying heavily. 'Y-You saw me the way, nobody else did and still didn't know about it. I don't blame you tho, cause I was trying too hard to not let you know. Anyways....all I wanted to say is...I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry for being selfish and a burden to ya'll, even though you never made me feel like one. I swear to god, I'll love you forever. You Jeon, you better make it right with Lia and make her happy, don't break her precious heart. And you! Jin-ahh. Thank you for everything, I love you, I truly do. Be happy and find yourself someone kind and caring, someone who can appreciate your cuteness, your perfect dad jokes and handsomeness. Don't cry over me guys. Don't be sad, cause I deserve it, I really do.' I looked at them one last time with a slight smile on my face as I closed my eyes, ready to jump and loose control over my body. I was just about to fall when two strong arms caught me and held me back. I was feeling both angry, but still relived that someone cared for me. I sighed as the tears wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. I inhaled the scent and it was Jin. 'Jin please, let me go!' I said, but did I really want it? 'No! I can't let you go just like that?! Do you know what you mean to us?! To me? I LOVE YOU Y/N! Don't you understand?! I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND I MEAN I LOVE YOU AS A GIRL NOT AS A FRIEND! Do you think that it was easy for me to watch you simp over Jungkook?! Do you think it was easy to see you in pain? Crying, being all helpless?! Do you think that I didn't know about you skipping meals and everything and that it was okay for me to see it? No! No, it wasn't! But I couldn't do anything, cause the only one who could calm you down and make it somehow right was him! I was always just a second option for you!' He cried out, I could feel the pain in his voice and when I realized that everything he said was true, I felt guilty. 'J-Jin-' 'No! I was always left out, but never gave up on you Y/N and you know why?! Because I could never do that. I'm willing to help you heal, to heal your heart and soul again. I fucking love everything about you Lee Y/N! I love your braty-self. I love the way you're selfish and all spoiled, cause it makes you look cute. I love your little nose scrunches when you're annoyed and the way you snore at night, but then you're arguing with me, saying it was my dog. I love it when you smile and I absolutely adore that it isn't so simple with you. You have like 15 types of smile and every single one of them means different things, but for me....the one when you see food is the favourite one. I love everything about you, yet here you are saying that you're a burden. Y/N the girl that you just described for me to date. That's you. You make me feel special and loved. P-Please....let me do the same thing for you!' He confessed as he turned me around and put his head in the crook of my neck, holding me tighter than ever. 'I-I can't let you go, I'm not letting you to do so until I'm here and alive! J-Just give me a chance Y/N.....g-give yourself a chance! I'll wait for you, but please don't....don't do this.' He sobbed as I was a crying mess. Realizing How much he's broken from my actions, I suddenly wanted to heal him and protect him too. I rubbed his back softly. 'Y/N.....I'm also sorry.....I knew or maybe I hoped that you liked me, but I didn't know that you would actually loved me. When we were in highschool....I was confused with my feelings...that's why I didn't kiss you Y/N. After that I went out with Namjoon hyung and we talked about it. He asked me something that changed my point of view. He said 'You didn't kiss her, cause you don't like her that much or you didn't kiss her, because you like her too much?' I thought about it and realized that I really love you too much Y/N! Gosh, I can't imagine my life without you and your perfect spoiled behaviour....' He chuckled shaking his head, making a small smile evident on my face. 'But....I realized that this love towards you is just friendly. You mean the world to me, but only as a friend. You were right tho, I kept on playing with you sometimes and leaded you on and me myself don't even know why. I'm sorry for that. People say that 'A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise' and It's true. I unknowingly gave you fake and high hopes without realizing that it breaks you apart. I'm such a bad friend and I'm sorry for that. I started distancing myself, cause I truly fell in love with Lia and I was so hurt when you tried to ruin it, but I didn't realize why you did it. Instead of helping you and talking things out, I cut you off and left you alone. I'm so sorry Y/Naah....I-I completely understand If you don't want to talk to me and be friends with me....just know that you are a whole world to me and there are so many people that loves you in this world. Please, stay here with us, don't give up on yourself, don't say that you're not worth it, cause your worth is much bigger than you think!' He sighed as he finally let everything out. 'D-Don't leave us Y/Naaah! We love you.' He said....the memories in my head were on repeat as I couldn't believe why I wanted to give up on them. How could my mental health be so bad that I wanted to end everything? I didn't know the answer, but I knew that I have at least two precious people who are there....ready to love me, heal me and protect me at any cost. Although It's just two of them...their existence and love is enough for me to stay and try again. I pulled away from Jin and wiped his tears. 'Thank you Jin-ahh! Thank you for loving me the way I am, I promise you that I'll come to you, I'll open up soon and I'm willing to give you my heart that is currently shattered into pieces, to heal it, cause I know you can do it.....' I said passing him a smile as he smiled as well, but sobbed even heavier, cause he was happy. I pecked his cheek quickly before signaling Jungkook to come. 'Yah....Come here!' I said as he ran to us and we hugged together. 'I love you guys so much....thank you for being there for me, I promise I'll get better....with your help it will be even faster! I'm sorry, I love you to the moon and back and it will last till forever....'

Author's POV:
That day you realized that sometimes things might be horrible and you can feel like giving up, but you should never forget that there are people around you who love you the way you are and you are definetly not alone. If It's not okay today....it's gonna be better tomorrow....If it's not better tomorrow....than it's gonna be better the next day or maybe next week or month, but at the end of this struggling....one day it will be better for sure and for you that day came just now.
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