Demiurge [soukoku]

Secret's Out

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

It was morning. I yawned as I went downstairs to get ready for breakfast. The day Akutagawa saved me from Mori, everything changed for me. I felt free, and I felt like I didn't have anything to worry about. But overtime, I started having weird thoughts.

Weird thoughts about...suicide. It's not like I feel "worthless" or anything. The memories from when I used to stay at Mori's place still linger within my mind, and it wouldn't get away. The only way to escape it is to just end it all. At least, that's what I think. But these past few months have made me think about suicide less. Was it because I made a new ginger-haired idiotic friend? I didn't really know.

I sighed as I arrived at the dining table, with food prepared by Akutagawa. I've been living him since I was a child. And he still treats me like one. He's like...how should I say this...

"Over protective mom" is what I would call him. It's annoying sometimes but, Akutagawa has done so much for me. Sometimes I'd appreciate that aspect of his personality. Despite the gloomy man being, well, gloomy, he can be caring sometimes. 

"Good morning Dazai-san, I prepared pancakes for breakfast." The man lightly smiled.

"Okaaay, mom. Thanks." I sighed.

We sat on the table silently, until I brought up a topic that Akutagawa wasn't so happy about.

"Aku, what will you do if I passed away?"

"I won't let that happen!" He slammed the table furiously. 

"It's a hypothetical question. I'm just wondering what you'd do if I ever actually die." I giggled. This guy is more of a security guard than a mother now. "Actually, don't answer it. If I died, you'd have nothing to protect anymore. You've devoted yourself to protecting me all the time, so if I was gone, you'd practically have nothing to live for." I sighed deeply as I ate my breakfast.

"I...That's really specific and quite accurate, Dazai-san." He coughed lightly. 

When I first met this man, he gave me a weird toy. It looked like some sort of demon, but it was cute. It also looked like it was homemade. "Hey, Aku. What exactly is this?" I grabbed the toy from my old toy box. The other man widen his eyes, and then started speaking.

"That was a doll made by little sister on my birthday. My sister was someone I used to protect. Sometimes, I even see her in you." He sighed. Jeez, I asked about what it is, not it's origin backstory. Well, at least I learned a little bit about him. He had a sister...then she passed away, I assume. Just then I heard my ringtone coming from my phone. I grabbed it to see that Chuuya was calling me. I picked up.

"Chuuya? How rare of you to call me. I thought I was the one who keeps calling you." I giggled a bit. I looked at Akutagawa, and he had an intimidating stare. I swear, every time Chuuya gets involved with my life, Akutagawa gets all scary. "Gah, whatever. Come over to my place. I...have a surprise." The redhead groaned. Surprise? What the hell does he mean by that...?

Suddenly, Akutagawa grabbed my phone and said, "I'll go too, hat rack." with an intimidating voice. 

"Jesus fuck! Ok, ok. I won't hurt him or anything. You're so fucking grumpy." Chuuya groaned even more, and he hung up. Does Akutagawa have a grudge against Chuuya? Chuuya's annoying and irritating, to me especially but...is that all it takes for Akutagawa to hate him? I'm having too many questions in my head. I should just go to Chuuya's place now. As Akutagawa and I arrived at his door, I opened it. And Chuuya was right. He had a huge surprise inside his house...

Party decorations, delicious food, and balloons were everywhere. And everyone I knew was inside and yelled, "Happy Birthday, Dazai!" Huh? Birth...day? Before I knew it, I collapsed onto the floor. 

------

"Oi! Dazai!" I ran over to see if the brunette was okay. He...looked okay? He looked sorta dizzy, but aside from that he looked perfectly fine. 

"Chuuya, you idiot. You know Dazai-san is sensitve to loud noise!" Akutagawa pointed and yelled at me. "How the fuck is this my fault? He's not sensitive when I scream at his ass! AND YOU PLANNED THIS PARTY WITH US, YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME BEFOREHAND!" I yelled louder.

"It's not that he's sensitive to loud noise, it's just that he's not used to people being this nice to him." Ranpo adjusted his glasses. He thinks he's the fucking genius god of this world, huh? "Well, you'd better get used to this, Dazai. It'll happen every year." Ranpo giggled. This dude just wants free food....I just know it. I shook Dazai's body to get him back to his senses. "Dazoo. Hello? Earth to my fucking idiot?? Pull yourself together, man." I shook him even harder, and eventually, he got a hold of himself.

"Haha...hah..you said.."my fucking idiot"!!" The bandaged man laughed weakly. "S-shut up. Anyway, are you okay now?" I asked.

"I'll...be fine, I guess. Plus one of the good things about parties is free food!" He smiled. I couldn't tell if his smile was genuine or not, but it was one of the few things that make me smile. The party started. Everyone was eating food, and Dazai decided it was a good idea to distance himself from everyone. So he was practically alone in a lonely spot. I walked over to him, only to see that he had a sad expression.

"Huh. "I'll be fine" my ass, Dazai. How come you're not used to this? I thought Akutagawa would be throwing birthday parties for you before I came along." I sighed as I patted his back.

"Oh, Akutagawa isn't exactly the "party" person. He just gives me gifts and food and that's it. Nothing too "extra" come out of that man." He let out an insincere laugh. "And to answer your question, I'm not used to this because uh...I just don't feel like I deser- need this."

"What was that? I didn't really hear you there."

"It's nothing! It's nothing, really."

Nothing? I don't think that's the case. "How should I put it...I feel like I'm too inhumane for stuff like this." He said as he took a sip of his drink. "If anything, you're more "human" than me, Chuuya. You're irritating at times, but you care for people. And your emotions are all over the place, y'know...like a normal human!" Dazai said as his hands were getting a little shaky.

I held his hand, hoping he would calm down. And he did. I wanted to tell him that I was more inhumane than him. Since inside me was practically a beast, the Arahabaki. If I told him, he probably won't believe me. I just want to get this whole "beast" thing off my chest. I don't wanna feel bad because of what I have inside me anymore.

"Are you serious? You're human like everyone else, Dazai. No one in this damn earth is "normal". Everyone here is so weird. Especially you. I love y-" Just as I was about to finish my sentence, my face got all red.

"-yyyou as a friend! YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I MEANT TO SAY! OKAAAAY EVERYONE GIFT GIVING TIME GO GIVE YOURSHITTODAZAIRIGHTNOWBEFOREIPISSMYSELF." I yelled as I ran away embarrassed. Why did I say that? Weird things keep coming out of my mouth, I swear... 

I went inside my room to find the gift I was planning to give to Dazai, and there it was. A little Pomeranian pup. "There you are buddy, come on. Let's get you to Dazoo." I smiled as I went out of the room, and the dog followed. When I arrived back there, Oda was giving Dazai a brand new coat. It looked kinda good on him. Then, it was Akutagawa's turn to give him a gift. But he wasn't holding anything that looked like a gift in his hands. In fact, he came to Dazai empty handed.

"I apologize, Dazai-san. But you're gift is a little depressing. You'll understand soon enough..." The gloomy man said as Dazai was basically giving him a confused glare. Akutagawa turned his head to me, and he turned into a red and black beast. The thing that killed my old friends. It was him.

"Rashomon: Devoured Space!" The beast yelled as he hit me with brute force. Enough to make a normal human die, but enough for me to faint.  

"Chuuya!" Dazai yelled. But I couldn't quite hear it. I couldn't hear anything. I was in a white space, inside my mind. And right beside me was my beast. I was with Arahabaki.