I dont have a name for this yet but Carl Gallagher is in it!!

8

This entire story is absolute SHITE sorry lol

I got home, somehow. I got out of school easily enough, nobody was watching and my teacher didn't bother to keep me so I just kept walking.

I opened the front door in hope my mom wasn't there. Shes been coming and going most days now. I've given up keeping track of her. I don't even really care that she might be using again. As long as shes paying the bills and keeping the house running, thats good enough for me.

I went straight to my room, collapsed onto my bed and wrapped myself up in the covers. Trying to hide or conceal myself from this "cruel world". I cried. I cried loud and I cried a lot. My eyes ached and my nose and sheets were covered in gross snottiness. I'm not planning on moving for a while now. Theres no way  I can go outside. My worst fear had been confirmed. I mean, it was kind of an underlying fear and I knew but nobody had ever really told, told me. Until now. I'm ugly. And theres nothing I can do about it. All I can think about is how embarrassing it is for me to walk around the streets with my face.

How do I even have the audacity to find people like Carl attractive. And think that I could have a chance. I'm a walking joke, and this feels like a nightmare. I cry and cry and cry until I don't and then I fall asleep out of exhaustion.

I open my eyes and everything on my face is hot and crusty and disgusting. I should probably get a tissue. But I'm too tired and too numb to even move, and the weight on my chest is more than ever before. I move the blanket from my face and see that its dark out, and staying in bed wasn't gonna make me feel any better. I checked my phone to see a text from Amber.

from 'Amber' 3:51 PM
are you okay????
from 'Amber' 4:02 PM
i hope everything's alright :( you looked really upset, im always here if you need to talk 💕
from 'Amber' 4:11 PM
im just gonna tell you what happened after you left anyway so you can read it and it might distract you??? Idk?? lmk if its annoying i just dont want you to be sad :P...
I smile as i read her texts and i open my phone so i could read about what happened.
                              Amber
so when you left
the bell rang and i
walked out of class

this girl stopped me
her name was dominique??
???? i think???? i cant
remember lmaooo

and she was talking
to me and we had a
short convo

she was really nice actually
i feel bad for not proper
ly remembering her name

oops

and she invited me to
sit with her at lunch
tomorrow eek

so im so excited
kinda??

youre coming too

I read the last message and sighed. Out of worry and happiness that i had someone who thought about me too. But i really dont feel like going to school tomorrow. Or anywhere. However i feel impulsive. Like, i want cold air blowing into my face while im up high somewhere. Or getting drunk. And drugs. Its not like i didnt have easy access to the shit, so hey! Why the fuck not fuck myself up a little extra.

I climb out of bed to the bathroom to wipe the crap off my face before hunting about for my mother.
'Shit' i say to myself. I let out a breath, it was like it had been squeezing my chest this whole time and I could breathe slightly better again, until it built back up.

This section has mentions of disordered eating and drugs and alcohol, if this is triggering skip to the where you see this emoji: 😩
My mom was nowhere to be found. It was 9:30 PM, I didn't expect she'd be back too soon either. I went straight down to the kitchen. I decided i didn't even deserve to eat tonight. I opened the fridge doors to look for a beer. I saw them and scoffed. My mom isnt even supposed to drink. I dont know why she still buys them, she was bound to fall off the wagon with those there. I went to grab one and I hesitated. I dont drink, but i just wanted to do whatever i could to get out of my head. So i just grabbed the whole case. I sat on the sofa. And drank. For about half an hour.

It went straight through me. i had only got through one can and i already started to feel funny. I wasn't laughing though. I just started to feel more sad. I didn't want to feel like that so i went back upstairs to search for anything my mom might've been hiding. Turns out she had a shit load, i grabbed a few pills and went downstairs. I had four more cans of beer. BIG mistake. My head was spinning and i decided it was a good idea to go out to the store and buy more crap.

I took a pill before opening the door and drunkenly walking down the street. It was freezing. I didnt have a coat. And i was tired. I began to feel worse than when i was sober. I could barely stand up. I turned a corner and at this point i was all over the place. I squint and I can see two people who i think look familiar across the street. I realise it was Carl and another boy a little older than him.
😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
"OH shit!" I slurred. Quite loudly. I didnt even mean to. And i dont know why i did. They both look my way. I lose my balance and fall completely. At this point im in the middle of the road. On the floor. In the dark. Drunk and drugged and i can barely even think. I felt a tear stream down my face and i open my eyes to feel the boy and Carl. Stood over me.
"You grab her right arm and i'll grab her left." The guy said. I could barely even see him to be honest. But i feel like i could notice Carl from miles off. I liked carl. A lot. I screwed my face up, ashamed.

Still half crying, half immobile and fucked, they pulled me up from the ground. Carl had my arm over his neck, trying to keep me off the floor.
"What the fuck did you take y/n?" He said to me. His voice was filled with concern.
"Why do you care? Huh? You e-even said it." I slurred. "Like i give a shit." I imitated his voice, badly. My vision started to get even more blurry and my head was pounding.
"We're gonna take you home. Okay?" The other boy said, in a voice you'd use to talk to a two year old. "Its just up this way."
Before I even get chance to reply, everything goes black.

I pry open my eyes. My head. Oh god my head. Ive never felt anything like it. I open my eyes properly. My first thought is this is NOT my ceiling. OR my blanket. Or my bed.

I groan. "Oh god." I sit up and i look around the room. Its small. Theres a bunk bed with a desk and another bed on the far right of the room. I look down at myself and im wearing a different shirt. It wasn't mine. I gasp of horror and pure embarrassment. So. Im not in my bed. Or my clothes. Or my house. I cant see a clock anywhere so i cant even check the time. The door opens. I immediately try to hide underneath the covers and pretend to sleep. I fail and i see Carl.
"What the fuck!? Where am I? Where are my clothes? Is this your house?" I say all at once, my voice is hoarse and I wince halfway though trying to speak.

"You fell in the middle of the road. It was cold and you were literally fucked out of your mind. i couldnt just leave you in that shit." He replied and looked down.
I didn't even know what to say. I just wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed.
"Wheres my shirt?" I question, quietly.
"I put it in the washing machine, it's drying out." He replied.
"Thanks for everything, but I really have to go, like I said though, I really appreciate it." I smile whilst scrambling about, trying to gather my shoes and coat.

I stand up.

"Where am i?" I ask.
"Uh 2119 North Wallace?" He replies, looking me up and down with uncertainty. "Right. Okay, so... I'll wash this shirt and bring it back to you tomorrow?" I suggest, just wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. "Sure." Carl says.

"Can i take my shirt now?" I asked him. This whole interaction is quiet and awkward and stiff. I dont know what to do. "Yeah, I'll uh... I'll go grab it for you real quick." He points to the stairs and walks off to grab my shirt. I stand still in his room and I look around. Taking it all in. It wasn't how I expected Carl's room to be to be honest, but then again, I hadn't imagined his bedroom at all. The least I expected was this though. It was small, homely, welcoming- ish. You know what I mean.

I hear the stairs creak, footsteps get closer and then Carl pops into view, with my shirt in hand. "It's still a little damp-" he stammers holding it out whilst still walking to me. "It's fine don't worry about it. I'll dry it off later." I smile at him with a half smile half grin awkward thing and he doesn't the same. I take the shirt and he shows me out.