i love you, i'm sorry ─ R. CAMERON

VI || BAD LIAR

third person pov

AFTER THE NEWS OF HER UNCLE'S DISAPPEARANCE, Aspen promised herself she wouldn't do drugs again.

The promise lasted two weeks.

For the first four days, Aspen was in denial. She thought at any moment, her uncle would walk through the door, smiling and calling out to her and John B like he always did after a long fishing trip. She was ready for it, she had it planned out. He would notice how she was clean, and would tell her how proud he was. It was selfish, she knew, thinking about that at a time like this. Uncle John was the only person who knew, other than Rafe, about the drugs. He wouldn't tell anyone, she knew that, but she also knew it changed the way he looked at her, and that's what really bothered her.

NINE MONTHS AGO

"Aspen, hey." The older man knocked on the side of the doorframe, causing Aspen to look up from her phone. "We need to talk." He walked into her room, pushing the already slightly open door the rest of the way.

"What is it?" She asked, putting the phone down, crossing her legs in front of her. He made his way over to her bed, sitting on the edge, before he looked at her.

"I know you're using."

Aspen's expression dropped entirely at the accusation, but she quickly picked it back up, only hoping her uncle doesn't notice. "Using what?" She asked, pulling slightly at the rubber band around her wrist. "Drugs?" She decided to look him in the eyes, using her best voice to sound oblivious.

He nods.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She laughed, pulling harder at the rubber band. "That's crazy, Uncle John. You know me."

"Do you know how many addicts I've been around, Aspen? Don't you lie to me." She almost winced at the tone of his voice, disappointment laced through every word. She felt her heart break at the sound of his voice, the way it strained as he pushed his glasses up.

"I'm not lying, I'm-" She stands, up, her hands flying up in front of her as she continued to deny, rambling excuses. "I seriously don't even know what you're talking about."

"Look at you! You're high right now." He raised his voice, standing up as well, pointing a finger at his chest, then to her. "I'm trying to help you! Do you not understand that?"

"If you were trying to help me, then you would stop fucking accusing me of things!" She yells back towards her uncle, tears threatening to slip as she grows more frustrated. He was right, of course he was right, although she wasn't about to admit it. She was overwhelmed, and so angry. At herself, at her uncle, at her parents and at this stupid fucking town. But most of all, she was confused. Who could've told him? She was careful. No one knew she had a problem, she made sure of that. Except for Rafe.

Rafe.

For the past three months, Rafe was the only thing that she looked forward to. Cliché, she knew, but it was all true. The sex, the drugs, the sneaking around, him. Sure, it was a secret, and it was rough, and risky, but it was hers. The hating each other in public, the cruel looks he would give her, knowing how she'd be wrapped around him later that night. There was another side to the cold and distant Rafe Cameron that everyone thought they knew, and Aspen loved it. The stares he would give her in the school hallway, looking her up and down. Just thinking about he'd seen every inch of her body would make her shiver, as if she'd finally gotten a taste of something she'd always wanted. He made her feel something, and she didn't care if it was negative or not. She began to know him like no one else ever would, and that's what made it hers, and hers only.

But fuck that.

Aspen stormed past her uncle, not bothering to look back as she went outside, finding John B and JJ by the trees, both of them laughing at something the other had said.

"Where are your keys at, John B?" She asked, lips pursed as she picked at her nails.

John B turned his head, furrowing his eyebrows skeptically. "You sure you need to be driving right now? You're acting kinda weir-"

"Please." She closed her eyes in annoyance, cutting him off and shaking her head slightly, only hoping he wouldn't ask any questions. "Sorry, I'm sorry. Just give me the keys, please." 

"In the ignition-" Aspen didn't feel like sticking around any longer to hear what else he had to say, nor did she care about anything else right now. Rafe crowded her thoughts as she trailed to the car, wiping at her eyes, although no tears had fallen.

Maybe she was just being dramatic, or maybe it was her fault for trusting someone like Rafe in the first place. She knew how he was when she decided to buy from him for the first time, but she still she kissed him, and let him touch her in ways she never thought would feel so good. Wrapping her wound the night she showed up at his house, making sure she was fine, just the pure concern he showed her, it was nothing she expected from him. It was only three months, she knew it was barely any time and that it was barely anything, but Aspen couldn't help but be so attached. She made a face at even the smallest thought that he would throw everything away, like it was nothing. Like she was nothing. The thought made her stomach churn, and she quickly wiped at the overwhelming tears that were starting to fall. She started the van, trying her best to focus on the road and push the thoughts away that clouded her brain. She knew the way to Rafe's by heart, having driven the same route what felt like a hundred times. Sometimes he'd pick her up, sometimes they'd walk to places, just doing whatever they could do in secret. Pulling up to Rafe's house, Aspen turned the vehicle off and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve once again. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She was angry, and she wanted him to understand that. When Aspen got angry or frustrated, she would usually get so overwhelmed she cried. But she didn't want his pity, or some excuse as to why he'd tell her uncle something so personal. She went out to the boat dock, where she knew she'd find Rafe. Usually around this time on he liked to hang out on his father's boat to clear his head before the week started. Aspen would join him a lot, and they even skipped school just to sit on the boat and talk for hours. It was calming, the silence of the still boat at night. Not tonight. She walked up the dock, stepping onto the boat.

"No warning?" She heard his voice, a light tease in his tone. She grew angrier hearing it, turning to face where he stood halfway inside the boat cabin. His face changed when he saw her, mascara smudged and nose red like she'd been crying."You okay, Ash?" He asked before she walked towards him, pushing his chest back."What the hell is your problem!?"

"I don't know, Rafe, you tell me!"

"I have no idea what you're even saying!" He exclaimed, "Are you on something new?" He asked with equal concern and confusion.

"God damn, no, I'm not on something new!" She shouted, "You told him. You told him and he hates me. He's all I have and he fucking hates me, Rafe!" She sobbed, the tears she tried to keep back now falling harder than before.

"I didn't tell him anything." He grabbed her wrists as she went to push his chest again, enough to stop but not hurt her. "Just talk to me, Ash! I can help you." He said, trying to calm her down. He didn't understand what she was going through, or why she was angry, but that she was hurt and needed him to take care of her. He too, came to understand how Aspen worked and what to do when she had outbursts, but this seemed different.

"Stop! Let me go." She cried and stared up at him, her tear stained cheeks glistening in the soft glow of the moon above them.

"Not until you let me make sure you're okay."

"Just let me go!" She pulled her wrists back, shaking her head. "It's over, Rafe." She breathed, leaving before she could allow herself to hear anything else from him.