fwb | k. hatake x reader

chapter two | remember

•"𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕒𝕝𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕞𝕖"•

__________________________________

I CAN RECALL the night I knocked on Kakashi's door at 3 A.M., with a bag of belongings in hand and tears welling up in my eyes from the wretched feeling of a heart torn in two. Maybe not two pieces, more like four. No, more like someone stuffed my heart into a pencil sharpener and cranked the handle until it was mere slices of thin tissue, rendering it useless at bottling up emotions I had been harboring for so long.

"Did he lay a hand on you?" Kakashi asked angrily when he opened the door to my distraught presence. I nodded and Kakashi just shook his head.

"Stay here, y/n." Kakashi slipped on his sandals, trading places with me on his doorstep.

"Where are you going?"

"To have a little chat with him."

"No! Please, Kashi just leave him alone! That was the only time he's done that and it's over! I'm not going back!"

I felt embarrassed.

I remember feeling embarrassed, amongst a raging storm of other emotions. It's funny how one can adapt to a toxic environment, similar to how plants eventually propagate themselves in the remains of a poisonous nuclear warzone. It was like the drama of another fight kept the relationship alive in a way. It was a macabre sense of comfortability, often coupled with the excuse of 'Well I guess this is my life now' as a way of brushing off how shit of a partner he was. I wanted so bad to change and fix him to the point where I blinded myself to avoid watching the decay of my own self-esteem and self-worth. I was embarrassed that I was scared of staying with my ex but at the same time terrified of leaving him which consequently is what lead me to shamefully and willingly hand four years of my life over to that abhorrent human that calls himself a man.

I felt guilt.

I felt guilt for letting my happiness fall to the wayside, for depriving myself of contentment and growth. I felt guilt for forcing Kakashi to watch me fall deeper into the abusive spiral and cycle for such a long time. I felt guilt for not listening to him for four years straight, causing occasional rifts in our friendship.

"Y/n you need to leave him."

"He's not good for you. He's using you."

"I can see you wilting away. You're not yourself anymore. You're acting like the person you think he wants you to be."

"I can't watch you do this to yourself, y/n. You're stronger than this."

I felt relief.

I felt relief when I heard the concern in Kakashi's voice and the look of genuine empathy in his eye. I broke into a pathetic sobbing mess when he sighed"Thank God" after hearing that I had finally broken out of that prison, only to be caught by his arms and held for the better part of the rest of the night while I quite literally cried on his shoulder.

Thank Kami, for Kakashi, man. I don't know what I'd do without the guy.

I felt sad.

Sad that although I had left an abusive relationship, I had simultaneously left someone I considered a life partner, someone who's presence, although stressful, was familiar and consistent. It was sick, I was sick. And it took me a while to heal after that.