i promise, i'm trying.

nine.

yamaguchi pov.

it's a couple of hours later and we're sitting in the living room watching a movie, but i can't seem to focus. my mind keeps wandering to these stray thoughts that keep circling in my head.

"hey, talk to me, tadashi. what's up?"

i can't help but flinch slightly.

"nothing really.." i trail off. real convincing, man.

you suddenly turn to me, a hint of- anger? behind your eyes.

"why won't you ever tell me what's wrong?" you say in a stern tone.

it's probably so upsetting to be dating someone who always has something wrong with them. it must be so frustrating that i can't even tell you what's wrong, even i don't know most of the time.

"i don't know." i hate how weak my voice gets, it was just a simple question.

"i want to help but i can't if you don't talk to me." i can tell your trying your best to be patient. i'm trying my best too, tsukki.

"i just," i begin. "i just don't know what's wrong with me, there's always something that's the matter, and sometimes i don't even know what it is," i glance up at you.

what's the look on your face? confusion? frustration?

i continue,"i'm not really sure if my words make sense to you, but i don't know how else to explain it, tsukki."

suddenly the movie becomes background noise, and then nothing, i hear nothing, except my thoughts as i feel as though there are a thousand things i need to say.

"please let me know if you change your mind, 'cause inside i'm falling, and i understand if you can't pull me out of this decline. i realise how harsh on you this must seem, but trust me when i say, it's far, far worse for me."

"tadashi-" you begin. i'm not done, i need to say these things to you, tsukki. if i don't now, i might not ever. i can feel my eyes begin to water and the tears begin to roll over as i look up at you.

"please," i interrupt. "please be here for me.. 'cause i've never needed you more and i can't stress enough how much it means to me that you're trying. and i don't mind if you can't hold me like you used to, 'cause i've never hated myself more. but this is just a bump in the road, kei, i promise i'm trying," i cry, pouring out my thoughts you.

you just sit and stare at me, shocked.