None of these are mine starting here:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Bernard Baruch
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. -Abraham Lincoln
A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. - Denis Waitley
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. - Don Marquis
A woman is like a tea bag -- you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt
If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. - Lawrence Ferlinghetti
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. - Josh Billings
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin
Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. -Benjamin Franklin
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. - Albert Camus
I relate to this one quite a bit^
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. - John Hughes
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? - Cynthia Heimel
Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most. - Ozzy Osbourne
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde
He who laughs last didn't get the joke. - Charles de Gaulle
If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman. - Doug Larson
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. - Bryan White
In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep. - Albert Einstein
When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That's how doors work. - Anonymous
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "Plot Twist" and move on. - Anonymous
You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way. - Anonymous
Opportunities are like sunsets. If you wait too long, you miss them. - William Arthur Ward
Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense. - Anonymous
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. - Robert Oppenheimer
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. - Murphy's Law
Who else is nervous enough to take their word for it?
My Doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said: "No, we all seem to enjoy it. - Anonymous
When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. - Anonymous
People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer. - Anonymous
It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous
When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask "Are you sleeping?" And I'm like, "No. I'm training to die." - Anonymous
I take super-hot showers to practice burning in hell. - Anonymous
True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing. - Anonymous
Good friends don't let you do stupid things...alone. - Anonymous
Only real friends tell you when your face is dirty. - Anonymous
Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems. - Anonymous
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face. - Anonymous
I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me. - Anonymous
The awkward moment when you're that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single. - Anonymous
An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous
I may look calm but in my mind, I've killed you three times. - Anonymous
You know what I like about people? Their dogs. - Anonymous
Some people are a human version of a migraine. - Anonymous
Silence is golden. duct tape is silver. - Anonymous
People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite. - Anonymous
Next is sarcastic quotes... Im assuming at least some of you love using things like these sometimes.
THERE IS a TW for drug refrences in like one quote below, so im putting the rest of sarcastic quotes in another paragraph if you want to skip
"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus."- Robin Williams
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Random wonders, memes, and an existential crisis or twelve
FanficWhat the title says im just spazzing here There is a poll