Prompt: Sayako got diagnosed with FFI and decides to spend her last few months with her lovers.
That_One_Animetrash
Ax0l0tl_Queen
P0s1t1v3ly-F1ctx0n4l
emilyroblox08
AFA749
TheBig_TiddyEboy_Bf
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"...But if I really have to go I'd rather you kill me than wait for it."
Sayako's muttered confession shattered the fragile peace, broke Re1n4 and Fae's hearts too, but what shattered them completely was her own reply, a gentle "I know," said from behind a curtain of hair and a ducked head. It was bad enough knowing they'd have to bury their wife, it was worse seeing her in perpetual pain and sleeplessness. Every absent stare, every porcelain smile, every bruise striking against skin too pale on a body too thin, every bit of it hurt them to see. But it hurt more knowing there was nothing they could do but be there, to be supportive and comforting until the end. They pushed the negativity from their mind and tried to cheer up their beloved sun, after all there wasn't much else they could do.
It's only later that night, curled together, listening to Sayako's even breathing as they lie together awake that the two dwell. They should be sleeping, They know that, They do. It helped no one for them to be sleep deprived as well, but still the fog of rest eluded them. Instead they thought, but despite any valid points about it possibly being more humane to help Sayako out of her misery should it come to that, Reina and Fae couldn't imagine going through with it, couldn't imagine a world without their Sayo in Their arms. They couldn't imagine a world alone. Sure, They wouldn't be entirely alone, they would have eachother, but it wouldn't be the same.
But a world together, an afterlife together, that was much easier to picture. They shouldn't, They know, They know how slippery that thought was, how quickly it could send them spiralling; the last thing they needed now was a spiral, but the thought persisted. Instead of death by inevitable decline, substitute a mutual sleep aid, overdone until slumber crept over them forevermore. It would be peaceful, as their heartbeats slowed to a halt, to lie in bed swathed in familiar warmth, or maybe instead the grass somewhere isolated and nice, the mountains perhaps, off the beaten track but familiar enough that Sayako's last sight would be of home. Fae and Re1n4 could do that for her, they think, they could give Sayako the rest her body denies her. They could hold her safe and sound for hours, for weeks, for years, until all that remained of them was a garden, They think they could, anyways.
But Sayako wouldn't want that, She had said multiple times now that she didn't want that, that mutual ending. She wanted her wives to live and isn't that cruel? What sort of torture is that to inflict on a woman, to watch someone so close, so dear, wither and die, disallowed from following?
A hand squeezed Their's, gently, before Sayako began speaking "you to are thinking really loud, Dears, what's on your mind?" Those big black eyes blinked at them, wide and soft despite the harsh shadows beneath them. Despite the dim lighting, those eyes shone with so much love and earnestness, though the longer they looked, the more they felt certain they could pick out fear in a minute twitch, resigned sorrow in the curve of an eyebrow. They couldn't bare to keep looking. She guided Sayako closer against her, gentle, careful of easily bruised skin and a fragile frame made surely of glass. Reina tucked her nose against freshly cleaned curls, uncaring of how the orange tufts tickled.
"You," she answered her wife, "always you." A pause, heavy as Sayako waited her out, familiar with
Reina's habits after the seven years they've known each other. Finally: "...I don't want to lose you." I don't want you to disappear, don't go where I can't follow..!"
Sayako stilled, breath held for a second too long before her arms wrap around Reina and hold her as tight as the frail girl could manage. Silence filled the room, still and despised. Once they had coveted the occasional silence, a reprieve from the noise of the world when everything felt too heavy, but not like this. Not this sickeningly sad silence, not the silence warning of that which will follow, sooner or later.
"Say something, you're thinking too," Fae whispers. "Say something, you still can, tell me everything- everything! Every thought that strikes you, talk to me now while we can, Sayo! Reina spoke so now you need to!"
Sayako nods against the girl's chest, "I am... Is this about what I said earlier? I'm sorry, it was stupid, and unfair. I shouldn't have said that, you don't deserve that. You don't deserve this . You're hurting enough without me saying things like that." She curled into herself, but into Fae too, clutching like the other was the only lifeline in the storm, while at the same time hiding away, closing himself off. Then, a barely heard, barely spoken whisper. "I'm sorry I'm a grenade." A sniff followed, then a swallowed sob. Fae and Re1n4's hearts broke anew listening to Sayako's words, listening to her trying so hard to be strong in the face of the bullshit the world had thrown at them. she was twenty four years old, death shouldn't be on her mind, minimizing the effects of her death on everyone around her should not be his concern.
Hell, The two shouldn't be worrying about this yet either, they shouldn't have to think about this until she was at least eighty, but here she was, twenty three and holding a dying woman, twenty three and discussing end of life plans with doctors, twenty three and trying to hold it together. Twenty three and trying to be a pillar for a grieving mother and sister, twenty three and trying to be a comfort to someone that's already given up. And she has given up, how couldn't she? Your condition has no cure... she's a grenade ready to blow, are you really prepared to deal with the fallout?... I haven't been able to sleep at all. I, Fae, not in days... and Sayako fell.... Who wouldn't give up in face of all that? After hearing so much shit from people who were supposed to help, from seeing her own wife's deterioration? How was Fae supposed to keep going in light of all that?
"You aren't a grenade, you're Sayako . My Sayako. And you're hurting too." What does a person say in a situation like this, what possible combination of words could make this better? Where were the cheat codes when they were needed? "I was thinking something else too, not just about not wanting to lose you. I had a daydream —or maybe a night-dream?— of a clearing up in the mountains, in Miyagi, and we were lying there. We lay there forever but it felt like hours, the bugs and animals eating away at us, but it wasn't scary, it wasn't painful. It felt peaceful, like a million tiny Sunday morning kisses. The grass grew higher around us until we were the clearing. Kids ran over us picking dandelions and wildflowers, and we were together, forever, rooted together by a million years, a million plants and animals binding us..." Fae rambled to her lovers, soft and low about her daydream for ages, past Sayako's relaxing against her, past the following stupor that constituted rest for the younger these days, she talked and talked until sleep crept over herself as well. The world may be against them but surely it couldn't be bad of them to try and make the best of it all.
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I HOPE YOU ENJOYED</3
YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR A PART TWO </3
