The next day, Wen Ke Xing rode a horse and left Song, heading towards the Jin border where he would present the peace treaty drafted by the Minister of Foreign Affairs.
Inside his chest pocket, was a simple swan feather.
The prince gave it to him this morning before he left. They did not say anything, because they were not alone at the time. But both knew what it meant.
千里送鹅毛 礼轻情意重
(Translates to "A feather is gifted before a long trip. The gift is small but the love is big.)
~ ~
The horseback ride from the Song capital city to the Jin border was about 2-3 days.
Over that short period, Wen Ke Xing was attacked time and time again. Killers hidden behind bushes, dagger men dressed as farmers, archer men camouflaged on top of large trees, female assassins disguised as old peasants, even teenagers pretending to play ball but actually trained to used venomous powders to poison the enemy. He defeated them one-by-one, but they slowed him down a lot, and they tired him out physically. When he tried to get some rest, the attackers continued taking turn to kill him, and soon, he could no longer protect himself.
He was exhausted.
And still only halfway to the Jin border.
He did not expect that at all. He thought that going home was simply just that, going home, after 20 years living in a foreign country.
The worst, was that he had no idea who wanted him dead. The Song did not know his identity, the Jin was his family, so who could have wanted to harm him? Besides the Song and the Jin, nobody else knew of his Song-Jin peace offering mission.
Then when he reflected some more, he suspected that it was Ah Xu.
A large part of him refused to think that, but a small part, the more reasonable part that was not blinded by love, could not deny it.
Ever since Cao died, there was something different about Ah Xu.
The way he held him in his arms, it was warm yet the grasp felt too tight.
The way he looked him in the eyes, there was fondness but also turmoil.
The way he made love to him, there was pleasure but undeniable rage, fury, and even slight violence.
The way he kissed him, there was passion yet he often bit Lao Wen's lips so hard they hurt - and Lao Wen had to pull away and tell him.
And the way he kept saying that they were running out of time, on their last day off at the tavern.
So that's what he meant, running out of time.
Cao must have discovered something that drove Ah Xu mad to the point he instantly killed him. But after the murder, Ah Xu must have calmed down and decided to do what was right for his country.
As Uncle Bai often taught prince Ke, the Song people were arrogant, selfish, greedy, immoral, possessive, cruel. And very racist.
They would kill other tribes in an instant, simply because they were aliens in their eyes. They looked down on other civilizations. They considered themselves the superior race. Every other country was intellectually inferior to them. They called Westerners ghosts, Southerners black, Easterners potato heads, they had derogatory terms for everybody except themselves.
So conceited they call themselves Sons of Heaven.
And if ZiShu discovered he was of Jin blood, it would explain why he humiliated him that same night. It was the one and only time Wen Ke Xing ever felt that he was being mistreated by his friend.
But they made love, mad passionate love, it was real, he could feel it.
Don't forget, Uncle Bai had told him, eat with the enemy, sleep with the enemy, but do not develop feelings for the enemy.
Perhaps Ah Xu did just that, sleep with the enemy. But once he got what he wanted, Wen Ke Xing was just that, an enemy.
To dispose of and toss away.
But the words Ah Xu said to him that night, how much he loved him, how much he needed him in his life, how he would rather die than live a day without him, those were love confessions, they were extremely sincere. He could not have faked those.
Yes but Uncle Bai had reminded him time and time again, that Song folks were deceptive, dishonest, unreliable, deceitful, and excellent liars. They could make you believe anything they wanted. They had a talent deceiving others. Especially men of power, they were all two-faced, yet you only saw the face that they wanted you to see. After all, supreme power could only derive from utmost bloodshed, correct?
一将功成万骨枯
Anybody in the world could betray Wen Ke Xing, but Ah Xu could not. He kept telling himself.
And if Ah Xu did, then life was not worth living anymore.
And if Ah Xu wanted him dead, he would die for him, he didn't have to send assassins, he just had to ask, and Lao Wen would kill himself in front of him.
Certainly Ah Xu must have known that.
Unless it was all a big lie, and there was no love. Or there was some love, but it vanished once he found out his true identity.
Or maybe he chose his country over his lover after all.
But Ah Xu had said that he would take him to the mountains, and they would live a peaceful life together. That he would forgive him no matter what he did wrong.
Yes but that was also BEFORE he knew about his identity.
A million images reeled through Lao Wen's mind. The dowry pouch, the friendship fan, the intense sex, the hot kisses. But also Cao's sudden death, the troubled look in Ah Xu's eyes that night, the way he kept saying they were out of time at the tavern.
Unlike ZiShu, Wen Ke Xing was not blinded by love.
After all, he was trained as a spy for almost 20 years.
He did though, fall for the prince's charm, admittedly so. But the betrayal also opened his eyes, and woke him up from his dream.
If he made it home alive this time, he vowed to make those that hurt him pay a hefty price.
Those that double-crossed him would never see the light of day again.
~ ~
The opposite of love is hate.
~ ~
