My Random Thoughts

Memoirs of Love

It's a bright sunny day. The sky's so blue. It's a peaceful day. I'm at the riverside. I want to breath fresh air. I want to be alone.

Naalala ko nanaman siya. Kamusta na kaya siya doon? Maybe she's happy. No. I know she's happy there.

I remember what my Lola said to me awhile ago.

"She's happy. Masaya siya dahil nabuhay siya sa mundo."

"I know 'la. But,  it's so soon. Ni hindi man lang niya ako nakitang nakasuot ng toga at nakahawak ng diploma." I said to my lola.

"Beth, you need to move on. You cannot bring her back here. She's gone physically but she will always be in our hearts. "

I just smiled at her. She tapped my shoulder and leave.

We're talking about my mother. My superMom. She's beautiful, very caring and very lovable.

I admit we're not that rich. But she raised us with love, of course together with my father. I'm the eldest and I have 2 siblings.

My Mother?  She will do everything to give us the best. I remember one time,  when we have a seminar in our school and there's a fee cost 600 pesos. I said to her

"Ma. May seminar kami. May babayaran. "

"Kailangan mo bang umattend talaga? " she said

"Yes ma. Sayang kasi yung certificate and the lessons you'll learn. pang dagdag sa credentials ko din yun kapag nag apply ako ng trabaho. " sabi ko

"Wala kasi akong kapera pera ngayon Beth." She sadly said.

I was so silent that time. I really feel her sadness that time. Her eagerness to say yes but we do not have money.

"May savings ako dyan ma. 200 pesos lang yun" Sabi ko

"Sige Beth,  dagdagan ko nalang. titingnan ko kung ano magagawa ko. " sabi niya

I smiled at her. and that night she gave me the 400 pesos. Hindi na niya sinabi sa akin kung paano niya nakuha yun. pero alam ko na inutang na iyon sa kakilala niya.

Nabalik ako sa sarili ko nung may tumapik sa akin. I looked around and saw my batch mate when I was in Highschool.

"Kamusta? " she said

I smiled at her but I know my smile didn't even reach my eyes.

"I'm fine. I guess. "

"Naalala mo nanaman mama mo noh?  I know it's hard. but you should let her go girl. " she said to me.

"It's hard. very hard" I said and before I know it I already crying.

She hugged me and comforted me until I calmed down.

"Diba ang motto mo "Everything happens for a reason? " Ano na ang nangyari doon? "

"Ang hirap kasi kapag ikaw na ang nasa sitwasyon na tulad ng sa akin. You know how strong I am outside. But deep inside me,  I'm so broke. I'm so sad. I want to give up. But my siblings still need me. "

"Everything will be alright. You need to be strong for your father,  yourself and your siblings. "

****

My mother passed away last 2018. I'm a graduating student that time. I study hard because I want to make parents proud. I'm not a showy person.

I'm shy. And can only express my emotions through writing. I remember one time my mother suddenly  hugged me. I was so shocked. Haha.

"Lah!  Si mama nge. bitaw na ang init init eh" Sabi ko