Letters To You

Entry: 5

"Will you love me even if I moved across the world?"

I cringe. "Who asks a question like that?" I reply with my own question.

Luke grins, "Someone who wants to know that no matter what you will love them." I huff at his answer. He is so ridiculous.

"Of course I would still love you, Luke." I say so seriously, "I'd love you even if one day you decide you don't love me." I look at him through guards of think lashes.

Luke's grin widens further. "Another reason why I will love you forever."

And there goes my heart, he knows what he does to me too. Knows that when he says those kind of thing I lose myself completely. That I fall deeper in love with him with every cheeky smile and long drawn out glances. I love it when he watches me without my knowing, it's adorably sweet in my eyes.

I smile secretly. "So, you'll love me forever?" Please say yes.

Luke turns on his side to look at me better. His hair flopping to the side and making his cheek bones more pronounced. I could look at him with nothing else for hours.

"I will love you till the day I die, Wyatt."

~•~•~

Dear Luke,

I know I will love you forever. I will never forget you or the beautiful memories we created. I just wish I had more to remember you by, something other than a teddy bear to hold at night.

I went through our photo albums earlier and I can't stop staring at your sculpted face, so young, so perfect. Which is really saying something since I don't believe in perfection, but baby you were. You made my heart sing, my world spin, the sun shine bright. Luke, you made the world bearable.

I don't want to even see a world without you in it. I still can't grasp how the rest of the world keeps moving on, how it doesn't miss you absence like I do.

Maybe it's childish to cling on to the impossible, but I never got closure, never got to say goodbye. People think I should be out of my funk by now, but I just can't seem to climb out of this hole I've dug.

I don't know if I honestly, truthfully, even want to get out of my hole of despair, it's comforting now, my norm. It's become my little safe haven, a universe full of longing and a painful sorrow, that is the days that I feel more since most days I'm comfortably numb. I guess that's what help, numbness, it gives a short and desired break to the misery and heartache.

I miss you constantly, replaying good memories on repeat, just waiting for a day that they aren't memories anymore, I want them to be real again. I want you to be real again. I need to be able to hold you, see your dazzling smile and your laughing eyes. I can't breathe properly without you, I haven't had a refreshing breath of much needed air since you left.

Maybe I never will again, I just have to come to terms with it first. r

~•~

"Please come with me, Wyatt," Lana pleaded consistently, "I swear it will be nothing like last week!"

I just give her a cold glare, it's the only way she will get it through her thick skull that I'm not going anywhere out of this house. "I said no." I grumbled uselessly, she never could accept not getting her way at times.

She threw her hands up in an act of aspiration and began to pase around the room, up and down the sides of the walls. Such a drama queen. Her blonde hair swooshed like a wild mane, eyes wide like a startled little girl with more irritation.