Letters To You

Entry 2:

"So what's your plan?"

I smile. "My plan?" I chuckle, turning my chin up to stare up at Luke.

He grins cheekily right back at me. "Yeah, your plan Wyatt."

I gaze up at the clear sky with a frown adoring my face. Did he mean career wise? 'Cause I have no clue, honestly.

"You mean like college?"

Luke groans and nudges me with his shoulder slightly. "No, I mean like what you want to do with your life, what drives you." He mumbles shyly. He's so cute.

I couldn't hold back a giggle. "I'm sixteen! I don't have a clue what I want to do other than enjoy life to the fullest."

"Don't laugh at me," He glares at me, moving on the grass to look down on me. "I seriously want to know, I already have my life mapped out I want to know yours. See if they, you know, fit."

God I love that little flush of his, how he hides his eyes behind those thick lashes. "I guess I never really thought about it much." I shrug.

"Well... what do you think you'd like to do?"

I sigh, "Something with people."

He laughs at me with his eyes until he can't hold back any longer. "Obviously you'll have to be involved with people."

I shove him away from me, pouting like an idiot. "I meant like with kids or something you big meanie." I can't even be irritated with the man.

With a small movement Luke rolls on top of me. "Oh come on, you know I'm only messing with you."

I look deeply into his light eyes, they are amazing. "You're still a jerk." But I'm grinning like a fool as I say it.

Slowly, ever so gently too, he descends down to leave a feather like touch of his lips to mine. And then I'm some sort of balloon, floating off to high into the sky, to heights only he could bring me to.

~•~•~

Dear Luke,

I can't stop looking at our pictures, I have to do it in secret since most of them were taken from me by my mom, she said it wasn't healthy for me anymore. That was about three weeks ago. It's hard not to look at your smiling face, god I love your smile. It was always so genuine and so bright, always leaving me breathless.

I adored the way your eyes would crinkle just the slightest at the sides, how they would sparkle back at me. For a dirty blonde you always had dark lashes, I remember teasing you about wearing mascara privately. You acted like you hated it but I know you loved the attention by the way you reddened and your laugh lines deepened.

Damn, you were so perfect, almost angelic in a way. You were like a Greek God in my eyes, you could do no wrong.

My everything was in you, and now you're gone and I have nothing left.

Do you miss me, can you miss me? I like to think so, but I hate the thought of you pining for me like I do for you. I really wish I could stop this gut-wrenching longing, the lonely nights, but I can't let go Luke. I just can't, refuse to forget you.

You were my knight in shining armor, the sun to my rain. My smile could never fade with you around, only widen by the milliseconds. How do you go on when the only one that made your heart flutter is gone? Please tell me.

Yesterday mom called Lana to get me out of the house, it bombed like a horrible crash. Her jumping on my bed singing some weird tune I'm not familiar with, you would have laughed your ass of Luke. She put her best effort into it-literally dragging me out of bed.

Eventually I did give her a half-hearted smile that didn't reach my eyes and told her I'd go out on Friday. She was so ecstatic that I had plans, especially on a Friday evening. I couldn't take it back after her squeals of delight, plus it's kind of hard to when she zoomed down stairs to tell everybody the good news.

Mom wouldn't stop saying how this was such great progress, that I was doing so much better. I know she was just trying to encourage this as best she could, but I just can't see the beauty in it anymore. Cameron kept his eyes down most of dinner but the little gleam in his eyes meant he had hope. Bless my kid brother for caring so much, I know this has been hard on both of us, losing you and all.

How do I break it to them that the thought of entering the world through the front door makes me want to run in the other direction. I don't want to face it without you, something has had to change right? The world can't be the same without you in it.... right?

I mean I can't imagine it, still can't grasp it. The sun can't shine as brightly everyday, the sky should poor with tears, grieve your abscess like I.

I used to cry every night, wake up with tears dripping down my cheeks at times. Now they are dried up like the Savannah. I have no more to shed, they have abandoned me too.

Please come back to me, Luke. I can't make it in this world without you with me.

Please, I love you.

~•~•~

I set my pen down with a sigh and fingered the page with glassey eyes. How can I do this?

"Ugh!"

A knock echoes through the room. "Honey, are you alright?" My mother, Danny, questions through the door.

Quick like a rabbit, hopping to my feet to hide my journal on the top shelf of the bookcase. Luke's entries have to be secretive, she wouldn't understand even if I explained and poured my heart out to her. In her eyes this is prolonging my suffering, aka I'm dwelling to much on the past.

"Yeah just peachy, Mom!"

"Alright darling." Her steps leave a ringing in the space of my room.

I should go out, it'll do the rest of the family good, even if inside I'll be screaming for the couch to swallow me whole. For them I will try.

~•~•~•~

Second entry! Hope everybody is excited about this as I am, guest surprise in the next chapter.