Letters To You

Entry: 4

God, he looks so amazing in that color, really brings out the gold flecks hidden amongst the array of blues in his eyes. He has such beautiful eyes and when they stare so openly into mine my heart has palpitations.

He does that to me, makes my heart want to burst. So sweet, so perfect.

I lean down slowly to land a soft kiss on Luke's smooth cheek. He doesn't move an inch in his wondrous sleep, but a slight sigh passes through. Even beautiful in sleep.

I can only imagine my eyes gleam looking at his sleeping form bathed in the pale moonlight.

I whisper as softly as I can into his ear, "I love you, Luke Anderson."

~•~•~

Dear love,

I will never leave this bed ever again, never.

God, Luke! It was torture last night, pure and honest torture. At first I loosened up, grabbed a drink, had a smoke, then the night took a total turn.

The asshole at the bar wasn't that great, hot in that bad boy kind of way but nothing like you. He must have saw something he liked about me because he wouldn't stop following me. I could feel his eyes following me around the house of fun when he wasn't physically trailing after me.

It was strange to have someone other than family to study me so closely, he had to of been on something or another to keep that up.

I'm not going to lie and say I didn't like the attention, but I truly didn't care. It was a pretty nice night in the beginning, granted I was a little drunk, I danced my little heart out though. Lana was ecstatic, full smile and bushy tailed.

But after a while I must have had a bit too much to drink because I saw you. I swear I saw you, Luke. In all your glory, you stood just off the dance floor, smiling there at me. You even had that little side smile you got when you were being goofy, your eyes were shining and winking back at me.

It was a dream come true, you were there with me, really there. I was in the same room as you. And like I hoped, you strode you're way across the crowd to see me, practically gliding across the floor. My heart pounded louder than the thrumming beat of music in my ears with every step you took.

I thought I was standing straight but I must have been swaying because when you reached me your hands flew out to hold my shoulders. Your touch, I had your touch again. I couldn't believe it, I could touch you again, feel your skin under my finger tips.

I laid a flat palm against your hard chest, your warmth seeping into my hand. I whispered your name so soft into your chest feeling so right on my tongue.

It was then that my mystic world crashed all around me, being torn to the ground. My eye flicked up to peer deeply into yours, but they weren't yours, Luke. They were a light hazel, nothing like your ocean blues. And that is when I snapped back to a warped reality.

The strangers features came into clear view, his jaw was strong with stubble forming, his nose a little crooked, and cheek bones not as high. He wasn't anything like you, it was all a drunken mistake of the eye.

Bile clawed up my throat and I retracted my hands as if I was burned. This was all so wrong! I threw up right there on the dance floor, surrounded by hoards of teens. Tears started like out of control sprinklers, it was all to much. I could have sworn you were really there with me, that I had you back.

It hurts Luke, it just hurts so much. I want you so badly, I want your touch, your love, your voice, I want it all back.

I raced out of there like a jackrabbit, Lana called after me worried about my sanity. She had the right to too, I even thought I was going mad. Hell, maybe I already am.

Maybe they are all wrong, mom, Cam, Lana, the doctor, they are all so wrong, I can't handle this. I mean I'm nineteen and the most fun I have is listening to music and writing to you, how pathetic is that? I used to be so lively, you even called me your little mayhem. I went on impulses and whatever felt good at the moment and now I barely get out of bed most days.

My life is nothing now.

Anyway, once I rushed out of that mess I hurled off the porch, trying to purge out the feeling of heartbreak and disappointment. When I was done I finally realized that someone was rubbing what should be soothing circles on my back.

It was just like what you would do to calm me down or when we laid together and you would trace simple patterns on my body.

I cried my little heart out, letting the dam break behind my eyes. It was like losing you all over again. So painful.

For some reason I already knew it was the stranger from the bar, don't ask me why 'cause I really don't know how I knew. Even though I hate to cry in public or in front of random people I let my tears fall while my body contracted with sobs that shook my whole being.

I kept slipping either over the railing or down it, but the strange man held me up all the same. Why did you have to leave me like this? Why am I still like this after months of trying to heal?

When the tears finally stopped- I had no more to shed- I turned around to see the one that was trying to comfort me. I whispered a thank you and walked away, just like that it was over. I had nothing else to say really I was so numb by then I had nothing to give.

Lana was already waiting for me by the car and I wordlessly got in. She tried to ask what happened but all I could reply with was I saw him. It was that easy to shut up that chatter box known as Lana.

Walking through the front door was my easiest decision of the night, but mom was waiting to here all about my night and after seeing the state I was in she went into full fledged mother hen mode.

I just told her I was tired and wanted to sleep then walked up stairs and locked myself into my cave. Of course I didn't sleep for the longest time, but when I did I dreamt of you.

Only when I'm asleep do I see you, and now, that's the way I want to keep it.