ℑ𝔫𝔣𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔶 ıllıllı 𝔐𝔢𝔤𝔲𝔪𝔦 𝔉𝔲𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔤𝔲𝔯𝔬

【18】

𝔪𝔦𝔡𝔡𝔞𝔶 𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶

-

he carried me into the bathroom, both of us giggling like small kinder children. he put me down on the bathroom mat as we gazed into each other eyes. then i realized. . .i can't do this. i can't just brush everything off with a kiss. it's not fair for him or myself.

"actually, are you hungry? i haven't had my breakfast yet" i tried steering the conversation away.

"that's very off topic from what just happened between us" he cocked his eyebrow.

"i just. . .feel kind of off right now okay? i did say i wanted some time to myself" i sighed.

"oh. i'm sorry. fuck, i didn't mean to kiss you. no wait i'm lying i did--but not like that! i mean i did mean it but i didn't because of how you feel. wait, that doesn't make sense--"

"megumi! relax! let's go get something to eat. we just went through a lot. our brains are basically smoothies" i shook his body with my tiny arms.

"okay, you're right. you're right. . ." he trailed off. he blushed in embarrassment and sighed before leaving me in the bathroom.

i took a quick shower, rinsing away the dirty blood i got from naoya. i couldn't stop but to think of the innocent girls he murdered. how their families are doing, how their lovers are doing if they had one. did they know they were gone or were they clueless the entire time? my eyes scanned the tub seeing the red falling down  my skin and down the drain. i remember seeing the pools of blood surrounding the room. the mess he made because of some stupid question.

they didn't deserve it. none of them. not even the past ones or future ones. i stepped out the shower and dried myself off. looking at myself in the mirror, i see the bruise toji left me on the side of my stomach. it was beginning to form the normal black and blues. glancing up to my head, i see the short hair falling close to my shoulders. tears begin to fall down my cheeks.

i remember growing up, my grandmother always scolded me for not taking care of it. once i realized how much she was right, she began teaching me how to properly strengthen it with rice water and proper vitamins. she use to braid my long hair and do funny hair do's on me that i'd laugh so hard i would fall off my chair. but she's gone. everything is gone. my family, my job, my hair, my life. it's over.

a sudden knock on my door broke me from my thoughts.

"do you want tsuki and kurai to come? it's been a while since they've been on a walk" he asked through the door. i yelled out yes and heard his footsteps decending.

quickly putting my clothes on, i left the room seeing megumi playfully patting the dogs heads, both of them happy to see him again.

"i'll shower as well, i'll be out soon" he had his clothes on his hands and stepped into the bathroom.

i walked to my room, looking at my surroundings to see the old stuff i had lying around. the old memories of who i was before meeting the zenin clan; before meeting toji and megumi. my posters of kpop and anime movie release dates still hung on the wall. the perfumes i used and my hairdresser that has my make up on with the millions of hairbands and small hair clips i own when i had long hair. i can't keep having this stuff around. it'll just make me lose my sanity.

i sighed, walking over to my posters and tearing them down. i rushed to go get a garbage bag and stuff everything into it. i dropped in my old unwanted clothing and make up along with stuffed toys and everything i once held dear to my heart.

my room almost looked empty. it's like someone came in here and stole everything off my room. my heart crunched seeing these things leave me--but i don't think i'll ever be the same after what happened. my mind has changed and i feel like my character has as well.