That Stupid List

Part Four: James

James' dream that night was a nightmare. It started out normal- one of those dreams where you simply go through the next day in your sleep. But at around four, maybe because that was the time he had been hurt in real life, Sirius had walked into the room and asked if Lily was doing alright.

"What?" Dream James had asked him.

"Lily." Dream Sirius had replied. "After what happened yesterday I'm surprised you aren't still with her at St. Mungo's. How's she doing?"

Bile had risen in dream James' throat. "What happened yesterday?!"

"The explosion. No one told you?"

No one had told him. It had happened a full day ago and no one had told him. He felt sick to his stomach.

"No," Dream James said quietly. He had stood up and immediately apparated to St. Mungo's, where Lily had been lying on a gurney in the middle of the lobby. She was pale, scratched, and bruised. She looked... dead.

"You just missed her," A voice had said from behind him. James spun around- it was a healer, one he recognized from his own hospital stay in real life.

"She died only a few minutes ago." He said.

James nearly threw himself out of the bed with the way he thrust himself up and out of sleep. He groped for his glasses and put them on. The real world materialized around him, including Lily- very much alive and uninjured- who was half-asleep in his left arm. She looked peaceful and content, much better than she had yesterday. James was thrilled to see that her mood had improved. What he'd seen the day before... it still hurt to think about her like that. She opened her eyes and looked at him; he must've startled her awake.

"You alright?" She asked. Her voice was drowsy.

James smiled, relieved that his dream had been just as much. "I'm fine. Didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I've been up for a while- just didn't wanna move."

Lily was the type to open her eyes at nine and not move for three hours. James found it endearing. He checked his watch; it was 8:03.

"Nightmare?" Lily asked.

James nodded. "Nothing especially worrisome, though. No use making you nervous about it."

"Y'know every time I say that about my nightmares you tell me that all of them are worth making you nervous. Why should yours be any different?"

James sighed. "It's really nothing."

Lily grinned. "What kind of man would you be, going back on your own rules?"

"You're relentless."

"It's my job."

"Actually I think your job is to-"

James' rebuttal was cut off by the sounds of yelling and fast-paced footsteps coming from outside. He craned his neck to look out through the window on the wall. A few healers ran by, followed closely by a man he didn't recognize.

"That's Rogers' brother," Lily said. James hadn't noticed that she had shifted to get a look for herself. "What is he doing here?"

"Dunno," James replied. He continued to hear garbled yelling from down the hall.

"D'you think-"

"No." James was not gonna let Lily finish that thought. "Rogers is fine. My parents said he'd gone home."

Lily sighed and turned back towards him. She snuggled a little closer. "Could be a parent or something, then."

"Yeah." James put his head on top of his girlfriend's. Rogers is fine. He was more conscious than I was!

"MATT!" Screamed the voice from down the hall.

Or not.

James jerked his head up. Had he heard that right?

Lily turned again to face the window, then back to face James. "You heard that too?"

James nodded. Suddenly he wasn't feeling too well. "He was fine."

"Things happen, James."

"Not to people who walk out of hospitals nearly unscathed."

"James-"

"No, Lils. He's fine. Even right after the explosion he was up and about. He's fine." James could feel his voice begin to shake.

As he finished speaking, James heard the sound of wheels rolling and a human wailing. They got progressively closer and more spine-chilling as they did.

Lily sat up and faced the window. James sat up as well and put his arms around her waist. He made a weak attempt to pull her back down, to make sure she didn't see whatever was about to pass, but she resisted. He rested his chin on her shoulder and waited for the sounds to pass.

Seconds later, a team of healers pushed a gurney with a covered body past the room. Rogers' brother followed, sobbing uncontrollably. James' heart sank into his stomach.

"Oh my god," Lily said. Her voice was quieter than ever.

James let go of his girlfriend and lay back down, unable to find the right words to say. His mind spun. Rogers was fine. He was fine! He was up and about and checking in on the rest of us! He was nowhere near the center! He was fine! How could he have just dropped dead?

"James." Lily had turned so that her torso was hovering over his.

"He was fine. You have to believe me."

"I do."

"I'm fine, too." James' throat began to close in the way that it always did when he was about to cry. He felt his eyes well up with tears. "And I'm gonna stay that way."

"I know."

A few of those tears began to make their way down the sides of his face.

Lily wiped them away. "I know you're okay," She said. "I may not have sounded like it yesterday, but deep down I knew since the second you woke up."

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

James swallowed. "Thank you for staying the night."

Lily's expression morphed into a sad smile. "Thanks for letting me."

"I'm gonna work on getting you onto that stupid list you mentioned last night."

Lily was amused now. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." James sat up. "Next time I find myself in one of these beds, you'll be the first to know. Or third, really; I think my parents would have my head if I put anyone in front of them."

"Ideally there won't be a next time."

"I'm nineteen, Lils. We're fighting a war and then I plan on playing Quidditch for a living. I'm gonna be back here eventually."

Lily laughed, and it was the sweetest sound that James had heard in a while. "Fine. Put me on the list. No higher than slot number three." Then she kissed him, and her lips were the sweetest things he'd tasted in a while. When she pulled away, her face stopped only inches from his.

"When I get out of here," James said, "Let's go find that meadow."

"Yeah." Lily smiled. "Let's."