Waiting To Fly

Chapter Four: Stella

Relief. That's what it was to be back there. Last time I played at Cassette Nine, I was fourteen. I couldn't wait to get out of there. To play bigger venues. To never do a small time gig again. I didn't know that once I got there- once I started playing stadiums- I would miss the small gigs like an ache deep inside. Like part of me had been ripped out.

I had boundless energy that night. Old Cassette regulars kept coming up to me- people who knew me back then. Whose names and faces were forever ingrained in my mind. We would hug- I'd ask them how they've been. They'd fill me in on what I'd missed. 

I booked this gig myself. Just like the good old days, when I was independent. I don't know what made me do it- I just had an overwhelming urge to go back there. To rediscover the joy of music. When my label found out two weeks ago, they tried to make me cancel. They said it was "bad for my image" or whatever. I told them it was sold out. That it wasn't far away and the fans were excited. That cancelling it now would be bad for my image. After a week of back and forth emails, they agreed "the damage was already done" and let it go ahead- if I gave them all the profit.

As soon as I saw Lucy, I knew it was her. I could just tell. She was tall and pale with brown wavy hair, and was wearing a gorgeous red strappy dress. In her big grey eyes was this adorable look of profound intensity. 

I felt really nervous talking to her. When you've been in the business for a while, you learn how to control that sort of thing. You learn how to appear confident when your insides are turning to jelly. Good thing it wasn't 14 year old me talking to her. 14 year old me would have straight up crumpled. She would have screamed and cried and made everyone think she was crazy. She wouldn't have been able to perform to an audience including Lucy Valet.

But I did it. I performed in front of her, and had the time of my life. I started with one they'd know- "Laws Of Love." I'd picked the song because that was the video Lucy had initially commented on. As I started the song, I looked out at the audience and felt so much love for every single one of them. I open my mouth to sing- and my voice caught in my throat. It had been so long since I'd played the song. I'd forgotten the first line.

Right up front, Lucy smiled as she sang: "The thing about love..."

That's right. I silently thanked her as I restarted the song, confidence regained.

"The thing about love..."