colours // miyuki kazuya

slip up. (1)

[a/n : i recommend re-reading the part before this for context and more feel!!]

It­ has been a month.

It's been exactly a month since you gave Miyuki a brand-new handmade glove, and it has been pretty hard to think it out loud that you did not see him use the gift even once.

While you were curious as to why he didn't wear it, a bigger part in you is scared of what kind of answer Miyuki would give you to that question.

Answers such as perhaps it wasn't up par with the gloves he always used to wear, or perhaps he was too embarrassed to be wearing something so poorly crafted, or the glove was simply didn't feel nice to use, and so on and so on, you couldn't help but only think about the worst scenarios.

The topic itself has been floating at the back of your head and the tip of your tongue every time you two shared a conversation, and you've always wanted to ask him, but sometimes upon seeing the hard-working catcher, the courage you've been building up just crumbled on its own.

Because, it's not that you wanted to force him to wear the gift, but the fact that he preferred to keep using his old one rather than the one you gave him bothered you.

It felt lonely.

It becomes so troublesome that it led you to make a promise every single day that the next day will finally be the day where you push the question out of your mouth just to have you backing out every single time at the last possible minute.

But today that has to end. Today you will definitely, definitely ask him.

-

You walked down to your classroom corridor, the hallway was full of chatter and the crisp morning air lingered while the sunlight cheerily peeked through the line of windows.

While you would normally enjoy a peaceful morning such as this one, you cannot budge the uneasy feeling in your stomach, as if it's preparing itself for all the rollercoaster you will go through.

After what you felt like a long walk, you were finally approaching your classroom however, the mention of your name in a conversation you weren't in stopped you right before the opened door.

"Oi Miyuki, how come you haven't used the gift ____ gave you yet?"

You were sure your stomach just did a flip at the unexpected sentence you just heard the first thing in the morning. Weren't you supposed to be the one to ask that question?

The said voice was faint, but you had no trouble naming it, it's definitely Kuramochi.

What is that, what is Kuramochi doing? Is he helping me? Does he not know hearing that makes me feel like my life is being cut-short?

You thought to yourself while your heart was beating anxiously.

You knew that Kuramochi didn't mean a single harm, he was just looking out for you both. And considering how often you've been bothering him with the same problem every week, it would be understandable if he wanted this problem to be solved already.

Fate is such a funny thing, all this time you've been avoiding that, and when you had finally made up your mind that you were gonna ask Miyuki about the gift, it's just handed to you.

You wondered if you should give Kuramochi a thanks or a beat up. Because you did not know which is gonna be worse honestly, hearing the answer yourself, or from another person.

Either way, that was the 'easy' part out of the way, the worst part has yet to come, that is the silence while Miyuki is thinking up an answer.

There was a solid minute of nothing while your heart was being a solo drummer before finally the other male said with a conflicted tone.

"Uh," there was a pause, as if choosing the words for the answer he probably already had on the back of his head. Then he continued, "I don't.. really want to," He finished.

What?

Like a startling strike of thunder on cloudy weather, your chest twinged in pain all of a sudden.

Not just from how awful his answer sounded to you, but from remembering all of the efforts you've done upon creating a single usable and decent piece of glove, just to have Miyuki Kazuya, your lover, figuratively throw it back to you square in the face with full speed. It all just come crashing down to you, you felt overwhelmed that your chest hurt.

Out of all the possible scenarios you've thought of, somehow the guy managed to break past through that and gave you the worst outcome possible, that it's not that he couldn't wear it, it's because he didn't want to. It was clearly out of his own free will.

It could've been perhaps the quality, the craftmanship, the color, something you could adjust and change to however he saw fit, but instead the problem here was that he didn't even had any urge to wear the glove in the first place.

All the memories from the train rides, the not even fully-healed yet stitches on your hands, all of the trip you've made to the convenient store for band-aids were suddenly hazy and heavy on your chest. Those were exhausting, and to hear that from someone who then had audacity to lie right in front of your face by saying he loved it..

It made you sick to your stomach.

Furious, sad, confused, yet above all of that, you just felt strangely tired.

Not physically, but the one where it felt like something just sucked the life out of your body, leaving you with nothing inside but only a body as a shell.

A tiredness from all the lies, the façade he put, the troublesome feeling in your stomach that you can't help but feel, the tugs of string just above your abdomen, all these uncomfortable feelings you're forced to feel just because apparently the love you have for him was too tremendous that hearing his answer just did these painful things to you.

It's too much.

You crouched down in front of the door, dejected but also extremely exhausted like the energy in your body has decided to part ways with you that day. You tried to ignore the burning stares from people who were walking on the hallway, because honestly you didn't care anymore.

Even if Miyuki had something more to say after that, you didn't really bother anymore, so for your sake you stood up and turned on your heels, wanting to get out from the school building that felt unusually suffocating that day.

Ahh, this sucks.

You thought as you gripped the fabric over your chest, thinking maybe it would ease the aching pain.

It did not.

------------------------

[a/n : uhh, hi? I'm sorry for not updating for so long!! I missed this book so I came back, hehe wanted to write a little angst and like I said I didn't really plan a definitive end to this book so it's always nice I can always come back to this!! Also does anyone still even read this? If yes then thank you so much!! or if you're just stopping by to see what this book is all about also welcome and thank you so much!! I hope i get to write more there days cause I honestly miss writing about the pretty catcher hehe, as always feel free to tell me if you have a suggestion for the story!!]