102

blue is E

the door that led to visit opened and people slowly filled the room. E sat still and nobody noticed that newly filled space against the far wall, nobody turned, nobody pointed and no word was murmured. like me, E didn't care what people did or thought around me, at least, that's what i assume. i have no way of knowing. i don't even know if "E" was a reference to a name once held or a name chosen. is "E" the full name? is "E" a reference to something i have no knowledge of yet? all i know is that E is an enigma, one that i would personally love to get to the bottom of.
tonight, as the hour hand moved slightly ajar of 1am you didn't play on my mind, a single sound echoed through my brain, bouncing off my skull and back into any other thought i attempted to muster up. the way the voice spoke both confidently and timidly, strong and scared. there's something about that mind branded "E" that doesn't quite belong. I'm not saying that E is the something extraordinary or the something special but E is something different and something that isn't me or them and that counts for something. E also isn't you and a new face and new name to torment me is slightly refreshing in a self destructive kind of way.
i stared at ceiling deep in thought of why E was here and why you were not. the blank white space that kept the rain from my head looked grey in the darkness. that same darkness that obscured my vision slowly crept into my head and filled my thoughts. i lost the thought of you and the thought of E and I don't know which I'm more upset about.
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i woke up before my door flung open and all i remember is blue. blue is the cold water that refreshes your face on morning after the night before, blue is the cold and the air but the warm in the sky, blue is colour of your lips when you got kicked out and we slept under the bridge in winter, blue is the colour of my fathers eyes that are stuck in brain after he left over ten years ago, blue is the colour of my veins under my pale skin, blue is the first thing i noticed about E, blue is E.
the nurse barged in and the pills when down and I left room and we touched. E, stood in my doorway allowed our bodies to collide. i apologise and scurry back into my my space of four walls. i sit and the hard mattress shows no indication of pressure under my weight. E also sits, but on the floor with a stack of paper and a blue crayon. blue is E. no words exchanged, just the sound of pencil making marking on the page. i choose not to look and stare through the bars on my window until i hear the page move. i look back around and I see no face, but the paper held up blocking my view. the page looks like scribbles to me but then moving closer the message becomes clear, I think. "word vomit" i say aloud and the page hits the floor again. E's confused look tells me that word vomit may not be right. i continued "i don't suppose that I'm the three hours you were here and lights were on you saw me write but that's all i can do here. word vomit is when you have so many thought and ideas stuck in your brain space like vomit in your gut. then finally the word vomit organise and you spew out over the page but this can take days and even then what you thought was organised isn't and it sucks and it hurts". i look up from my feet to see E holding a single thumb in the air. "art vomit" the same voice that spoke the single syllable said.