never [#1]

n i n e

e l s i e

sid was pushing him
towards our side of the
cafeteria.
val grabbed my hand
and said something along
the lines of
here he comes, this
is your chance,
but i didn't hear her
because all i could
think was that he
looked so cute
with that blush on his
cheeks and his hands
nervously fixing his
hair and picking at
his clothes
like he was scared of
what i thought about him
and how he stammered
out his name
when he was in front of me
and it sounded so cute
that i laughed at his
nervousness
and then he
sat down beside me
and he looked so
beautiful
and then i finally
understood when
val had said trey was my
wonderwall
because in that single
moment,
i was completely
and utterly
infatuated
with him.

t r e y

i was a loser.
i completely messed
everything
up but then she laughed
and i was reminded of
how i'd go days, weeks,
months
trying different things to
find happiness and
closure
but never found it in even
the happiest parts of
the world
where everyone feels
invincible and
okay
with the fact that they
will never be fully happy
but they have these
happy sticks
they stick in between their
teeth and puff
happiness out into the air
only for it to get stuck
in the crevices and
cavities of their teeth
formed by those damn
happy sticks
because the happiness
was too sweet,
too fake
for it to be of any use,
and i'd feel terrible after
that fake happiness that
it'd need more
to fill up the holes
but when elsie laughed,
i didn't need those
happy sticks to be happy,
i needed her,
i needed her laugh,
her smile,
her eyes
and all i could think was that
i found it.
i found happiness.
and it was called
elsie.