All These Smiles That I'm Faking - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 5 - Harry POV

Hey guys... As promised I'm back...So let's get on with the story

Today was a Friday and it had been five days since school started again. It was wonderful being back at school and I was surprised by just how happy the students were to have me back. I was touched by how sweet the year 9 and 10 students were. In one class, they had even written and played a welcome back song and I was more than grateful to finally be back at school. I had genuinely missed my work and I never realized how good a distraction it was from all my problems.

Since the past few days, our group of four has become a group of five, with Louis as the new addition. I think everyone was surprised by how fast I warmed up to Louis and I find myself smiling far more often. Currently, we were in the staff room and it was lunch break. We were all sitting at our places and joking about. Some of the other teachers, who were our age, occasionally chipped in while some laughed amusedly. Some of the older teachers looked at us fondly while others seemed slightly annoyed. But with Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn sitting near me, I couldn't bring myself to care about the disapproving glances we got. We were all laughing at Louis' sassiness when I heard a click and turned to see Niall taking a photo of me. Everyone looked at him confusedly. His eyes were moist as he turned the phone. At first I was puzzled why there was a picture of me laughing, then I saw what he meant. You could see my dimples. It was a true smile after ages. I smiled at Niall and hugged me while Niall showed the image to Liam. Liam join the hug with Niall and I and he whispered, "Gemma would have been proud." Liam suddenly pulled away with a yelp and Niall wore an annoyed expression, probably because Liam mentioned Gemma. However, I reassured Niall it was fine. The way Liam said it sounded so heartfelt and I knew he meant it in a good way. Zayn had known me long enough to realize what was going on and he smiled in my direction, conveying what he didn't say aloud. 

Louis however, had no clue about what the fuss was. All he said when he saw the picture was, "Aww, you have dimples! I love dimples. How did I miss them. Well now I am going to ensure you never hide those dimples." And though, Louis didn't realize how deep the sentence's true meaning was, I somehow knew that Louis would ensure I was always smiling and the thought was enough to bring a dimpled smile to my face and Louis immediately poked the craters in my cheeks making all the boys chuckle, while Niall smiled fondly and I could tell he was proud of me for being so comfortable with Louis. Then the bell rang signaling we had to get to our classrooms. Just as we were leaving Liam reminded us to come to watch the football team's afterschool practice. We had promised him we would come to watch them and Liam was not going to let us go easily. So with a chorus of "Sure" and "Of course" we headed to our respective classes. 

TIME SKIP TO FOOTBALL PRACTISE

I walked out of my class and to the gate. Zayn, Niall and Louis were already there. Liam was obviously on the pitch. We were about to head to the pitch when Louis and Niall decided to quickly stop by the nearby shop and bring snacks and drinks leaving Zayn and I to walk alone. Just as we were walking up the stairs to the stands, I heard a voice call out "Pass a Fag." I guess the voice came from outside the school premises, just one guy asking another for a cigarette but suddenly, I felt my breathing quicken. Though in this case the word wasn't being used as an insult, it had been ages since I heard that word. The last time was just before I was raped as a slur. I felt a constriction in my throat. I tried to compose myself but could barely. Thankfully Zayn turned around and saw me. He immediately got me out to the teacher's car park to help me breathe freely. He held me and instructed me to follow his breathing. Though, I was usually calmed down by Niall or Liam, I trusted Zayn and found myself listening to his voice. He spoke calmly and firmly, his voice authoritative but caring and I relaxed in his arms. When my breathing was calm, I looked at him. His face had panic written over it but I was amazed by the way he concealed his fear while calming me down.

"Thanks Zee." I said hugging him. Suddenly, Zayn's phone rang and I could roughly make out Liam asking Zayn where we were. "Li, we're fine, I just wanted something from my car and Harry accompanied me. Lou and Ni went for snacks and I guess they'd be back by now." I was grateful when Zayn didn't tell Liam about my panic attack. When he cut the call, he sat beside me on the ground and asked, "You alright mate?" I nodded and I couldn't express how thankful I was, "Thanks for all your help, Zee, always. I know it can be odd when I sign with the boys but you don't argue or anything. Thanks mate." I said trying to convey my feelings. "It's alright mate." "Zee, how did you calm my panic attack so easily, I mean, it was so easy with you calming me down. How?" 

"My sister Doniya has anxiety. So it's common for her to have panic attacks, so I learnt to care for her." I smiled and said, "Ohhh.  Zayn." I started and paused and he nodded and I took a breath before saying, "I want to tell you my story." He looked at me surprised, "You sure?" "Yeah I trust you." And I really did trust him. He deserved to know. He sat beside me silently waiting for me to start, not pushing me at all.

"You know last year, I was absolutely depressed when Gemma passed away. Of course, all siblings are closed but Gemma and I were exceptionally closed. She cared for me so much. She gave up her own social life to help me when I needed her. Why did I need her help is the main question. Back when I was sixteen, just a happy, carefree sixteen year old, I decided to come out." I paused. Zayn didn't know I was gay so this was technically me coming out to him. I hadn't come out to anyone since my rape and I was shit scared for his reaction. However, he simply nodded giving me an encouraging smile so I continued.

"It was a few days after I came out, I was coming home after getting groceries when four guys surrounded me. Began teasing me, making fun of me, taunting me and calling me names. That's why I had the panic attack. Someone outside asked for a fag. Last time I heard the word was back then. Then the four guys took me to some dark dirty room and put me there. They- they raped me." I sobbed as a vision of the awful day passed though my mind. Zayn hugged me carefully. I accepted the comfort. When we pulled away Zayn was also crying and he comforted me. I continued the story, "After they raped me, they left me on the streets and the next thing I knew was that I was in the hospital with Mum and Gemma. For ages, I was scared to touch Mum, Gemma, Niall and Liam. I wouldn't talk to them but somehow, they fixed me. It was mainly Gemma so when she passed away I was shattered. Dad left when I was a baby and now I only have mum left." I said. Zayn hugged me again and whispered in my ear, "Oh, Haz. I can't imagine how hard that was. Thanks for telling me. I'm honored." I chuckled and we both wiped away our tears before heading to the pitch.

Liam looked between Zayn and I and raised an annoyed eyebrow at us. Oops. We had missed around half the practice. Louis and Niall were already there and seemed to have been there quite a while because there were several packets of crisps scattered around them. Liam asked, "Where the hell were you both?" Louis was also intently focused on the discussion, so was Niall. So I signed I told him everything. The change in Liam's expression was miraculous. Seriously? He asked and I nodded. How come?  Niall signed.  I had a panic attack. Zee calmed me and I realized how much I really trust him. You guys know how hard it is to calm me and he managed to do so easily. So I told him.

Liam and Niall hugged me tight while Louis looked puzzled. "Lou, chillax, it's something personal. Trust me, it took me 4 years to tell Zayn. One day, soon, I'll tell you too. I promise." I said smiling and when he smiled back without a hint of hurt on his face, I was glad.

After practice, we all headed our own ways. Ni went home. Zee and Li went to their flat while Louis went to his rented flat. I on the other hand decided to go to mum's place. I was going to stay there for Saturday and Sunday as mum had been complaining about a headache and I wanted to help her. When I reached the place, I wiped away a few tears that had slipped past as I remembered, the way Gemma slowly got me used to going out again. When I entered the house, mum was laying on the sofa. When she saw me she said, "Haz, what are you doing here?" I was puzzled - Mum was the one who had invited me over. "Mum, you asked me to stay over Saturday Sunday." I reminded her. "Oh had I? I forgot, I'm getting real forgetful these days." I frowned at this, concerned that this head ache was more than just a headache. However, mum refused to listen.

Saturday and Sunday flew by. Mom and I had tremendous fun as usual but for me the weekend had been stressful. I was worried beyond measure. Mum's headache was ever persistent and she seemed to be forgetting several special moments. On Sunday evening, when I left I finally convinced mum to go to the doctor if her headache remained till Tuesday.

 So Zayn knows now!...we had some Zarry friendship.... Hope you liked the chapter....constructive criticism is welcome.. pweaaasssee vote and comment