Spiderman: Finding Home

Chapter 11 - MJ

MJ's POV

Michelle felt like she was moving through a mist; a thick, heavy mist that wanted to suffocate for her. Time seemed to slow and speed up all at once. The only thing that kept her tethered from shutting down was school. She didn't know what day it was. She didn't know much of anything. She moved in autopilot from class to class, going to sleep at night and seemingly waking up in her first class for whatever day it was.

That first day after Peter stayed the night, she tried. She tried to engage in her classes, she tried to behave like her usual self, but she felt so exhausted before the day even began. She found herself reaching for her latest book and, like old times, spent any time between classes reading. Even over lunch when she'd usually talk with Ned and Peter, it took everything in her to sit with them and make small comments.

She knew from her light reading of psychology that she was in survival mode. She knew her brain had shut down and was trying to protect her, so after that first day she just gave in. She would find a way out but she was too tired right now.

By the time it reached Wednesday, and she only knew it was Wednesday because she was reminded by Liz that she had agreed to meet up, MJ didn't want to. She wanted to cancel and keep the routine she had going: waking up, studying, going to school, studying and then back to bed. Going to see Liz after school would throw her off, but in the end, she decided to keep her plan. They were meeting at The Bookhouse which had been her and Liz's place before everything changed. After spending a week basically operating like a zombie, she knew on a practical level that getting back "out there" was probably what was best for her and though everything in her was resisting going, she told Liz that she'd meet her after school.

MJ hadn't had the time to think about the whole Liz-Peter situation since her big breakdown. It suddenly felt a lot less of a concern, but she also hadn't had a lot of time to think about Peter as a whole. It was throwing her off, knowing that he knew. She couldn't stand looking at him because his warm eyes, filled with concern every time she caught him glancing at her, reminded her of their night together and their night together was a big red door back to the night that fucked everything over for her. She knew she only had a certain amount of time before Peter staged a potential intervention. She'd probably wake up to Spiderman sitting in her room with textbooks on how to recover from trauma, complete with a list of therapists in her local vicinity. He would mean it with good intention, but even just thinking about diffusing the Peter-concern bomb was too much.

After class on Wednesday, MJ was only self-aware enough to make the right turns to get to the Bookhouse. When she walked through the door, she instantly spotted Liz, eyes drawn automatically to their old booth tucked away in a corner. Liz saw her too, a bright smile lighting up her face which MJ tried to return.

Liz was gorgeous. She always had been but it was especially true now. Her hair was longer, face more mature as it had been slimmed out and jawline more pronounced. As she stood, MJ saw she was even taller than she had been, easily taller than MJ now though she used to be the tallest out of the two of them. She was dressed in a tight-long sleeved turtle neck with checkered pants that hugged her figure. Michelle didn't know what she had expected, but it was stranger to see her like this, looking like an older sister as opposed to a girl her own age.

Feeling awkward and incredibly self-conscious in her basic get-up of ripped jeans, a t-shirt and her usual ratty hair, she stepped forward to give Liz a hug. They held each other for a few moments before sitting down across from each other.

"You look amazing," Michelle breathed, eyeing her friend with appreciation and envy. She wasn't usually body-conscious but Liz was always on her top list of most attractive people.