The worth of friendship

Is it still the aftermath?

Back in LA, a few days pass in which I neither leave my room nor my bed. There is total silence between Nick and me. Since I left the hotel room that night, we haven't spoken to each other. Not on the way to the airport nor during the flight. We haven't talked on the phone, we haven't exchanged any messages. Simply nothing! Total silence. I heard from Sophie that Priyanka is back and how Joe must have told it, Nick hasn't talked to her yet.  I feel terribly miserable, my thoughts and feelings are going crazy. I don't want to eat or drink. I just want to lie in bed and cry. In between, Joe and Sophie come up to check on me. They bring up ice cream, chocolate, or pizza. Sometimes they lay with me, talk to me, listen to me, or just watch a movie with me. Once even Kevin and Dani were there with the kids, but even that couldn't get me out of my hole. If Nick doesn't slowly make a decision, I go crazy. Or rather, I won't have any strength left.

Outside my bedroom door I can hear footsteps, then soft voices.
"Joe, this can't go on. We have to do something. She has to get out of this room!" I hear Sophie whine. I know I must be a huge burden to them. I should just get back to normal, but I can't.

"Yeah I know, I already have the perfect plan too," I hear Joe whisper. What does he have planned? Joe doesn't need to plan anything!
At that moment I hear the doorbell downstairs. Followed by loud footsteps on the stairs.

"Hey Kev, hey Nick! Glad you have time to talk about our documentary!" shouts Joe from downstairs at the door.

This makes me wonder. I creep up to the door, peeking my head out to hear better.

"Hey you two!", Sophie now says as well.

"Hi!" say Nick and Kevin at the same time.

I wonder what the three of them must be talking about. As far as I know, the documentary is already finished filming and is currently being cut and edited.

"How is Lia?", I hear Kevin say.

Sophie sighs loudly, "I wish I knew. I think she's really miserable. She still hasn't left the bed. She's still wearing the same clothes and hasn't showered in 4 days. Still she doesn't really talk to us. But you can go see her right now and make up your own mind!"

"Oh!" I hear Nick say softly.

"Oh okay. I'll go up later!" then Kevin says.

Why does Sophie has to tell Nick how I'm doing. I don't want him to know I'm suffering. I don't want him to know that I won't leave the bed. Upset, I go back to my room, grab towels, a comfy but nice outfit, and disappear into the bathroom. I take a quick shower, blow dry and comb my hair, and then head downstairs. I'll show them. I'm going to show Nick I am not suffering. I'm suffering, not because of him. All right, maybe I am. But Nick doesn't need to know that.

I put my feet on the floor after I get over the last step of the stairs and follow the buzz of voices. The boys are obviously sitting in the living room and I hear Sophie fiddling in the kitchen. I open the large door to the living room and step inside. I try to put on a happy face, not showing the suffer from the last few days. Joe is sitting on the sofa across from the door, looking directly at me. Nick and Kevin, are sitting across from him on the other sofa, with their backs to the door.

"Lia? What are you doing down here?" says Joe with a surprised grin. Nick and Kevin turn around at the same time and look at me.

"I live here." I say and shrug my shoulders, adding, "I heard some voices and wanted to see who was over. Hello Nick, hello Kevin!", I smile at both of them. Kevin looks at me in surprise, Nick on the other hand avoids my gaze.

"Hey Lia! Glad to see you're feeling better!", Kevin says, standing up and taking me in his arms. I return his hug and smile at him. Kevin then turns around and sits down again. I follow him to the sofa and drop down next to Joe. He immediately puts an arm around me protectively. I notice Nick watching me. I look up and straight into his eyes. He feels caught, but withstands the look.

"Lia?" after a few seconds of silence, Nick addresses me directly.

"Yes?", I look at him with a cool look.

"Can we talk?", nervously Nick rubs his hands dry on his jeans.

"Um..." i glance briefly at Joe. He nods in agreement and smiles at me encouragingly.

"Yeah. We can talk. Should we go outside?", I point my head towards the patio and look questioningly at Nick. He nods in agreement and stands up. I follow him outside and we sit down on the lounge furniture next to the pool. I sit down on the big sofa and he sits in the chair across from me.

"How are you doing?" he asks me, looking directly at me.

"How do you think I'm doing?" I shrug, as if I can't answer the question myself. "How are you?" I look at him provocatively.

"As well as can be expected," he says quietly, then adds, "I haven't talked to Pri yet. I...I just couldn't bring myself to do it!" he drops his gaze and now looks down at his feet.

"I kind of figured you didn't! Otherwise you probably would have called," I reply and look down at my feet as well, disappointed.

"I was going to check in. I have my phone in my hand every hour. But everything feels wrong. No matter what I do. You know?", Nick looks at me expectantly. "I sleep in the guest room because it feels wrong sleeping next to Pri. She knows something's wrong, but I can't bring myself to tell her. Then these feelings for you. This tingling. I look at pictures of us, I think about you 24/7, and yet I don't feel able to talk to you." Nick gets up, walks over to me and sits down next to me.

"I have fucking feelings for you Lia! And yet I can't deal with it. I know this is all wrong, but I can't control myself.", suddenly Nick takes my face in his hands and tries to kiss me. But this time I know how wrong it is. Nick needs to get clean with himself first before he throws me to my ruin.

"Are you crazy? You can't just show up here after many days of not talking and kiss me? Are you stupid?", I yell, pushing him away from me. Tears spring to my eyes. How can Nick think I want to kiss him at this moment. He promised to think about his feelings, to talk to Priyanka and figure things out. But he didn't do that and now he shows up here and tries to kiss me?

I jump up and run into the house through the patio door. "Lia! Wait!", Nick runs after me trying to catch up.

I turn to face him. "Leave me alone!", I shout and open the door to the hallway.

"What's going on?", I hear Joe shout. Kevin, Sophie, and he come running out of the kitchen. Sophie runs directly in my direction.

Joe and Kevin look at me. They see the tears on my face and my angry look. Joe winces angrily and attacks Nick. "What did you do, dude? You were supposed to talk to her. Find a solution and nothing else!" he yells at him. Joe grabs Nick by the collar and pushes him against the nearest wall.

"Nick dude, what's going on with you? Do you want to destroy the band again? Do you want to destroy Lia? You know, she's our best friend too!", I hear Joe yell again. Nick shakes his head angrily and tries to fight back, punching Joe in the shoulder.

"Stop it!" shouts Kevin loudly, walking between Nick and Joe.

Sophie and I stand in the hallway watching the whole drama unfold. Sophie's arms are tightly around me and I have my head on her shoulder. Silent tears roll down my cheeks.

"I have to get to Lia!" Nick tries to tear himself away and looks desperately in my direction. Joe and Kevin also look in my direction. I interpret these looks as silent questions and shake my head silently in respond. I don't want to talk to Nick anymore today. Sophie then takes my hand and together we go upstairs. All I can hear is Kevin saying in a quiet tone, "Nick, you need to talk to Pri and sort out your feelings, then you can come back." Shortly after, the front door slams shut with a loud clang.