reposer ☆ ᵒⁿᵉ ˢʰᵒᵗˢ

electrical issues ☆ ʙᴛꜱ

— In which Namjoon's notorious ability elicits the rage of half the country.

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disclaimer: this will have a LOT of cursing. the fourth wall will be broken. everything is fictional and exaggerated (even the one-sentence description above) for comedic purposes (which, in itself, is a joke, because i'm just bad at humor). this is a part of my old, horrible, and failed attempt at a crackfic, and i barely edited this. you have been warned.

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"Namjoon, what the fuck have you done this time?" Yoongi screamed at him, massaging his temples in a (futile) attempt to stay sane.

"N-Nothing, hyung, I swear!"

"Yeah, and I'm a very holy saint." he rolled his eyes as they all stifled a laugh. "You fucking leaned against the fucking electrical post, didn't you?" he spat at him, the frenzied yells of their neighbors willing him to lose his shit even more.

"THERE'S NO GODDAMN ELECTRICITY!"

"I DIDN'T PAY MY TAXES FOR THIS SHIT SERVICE!"

"I'M SUEING WHOEVER THE FUCK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!"

"I WILL SET FIRE TO THE WHOLE FUCKING GOVERNMENT IF THEY DON'T FUCKING FIX THIS!"

"WE WANT A NATIONWIDE REVOLUTION! IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT!"

"...No! Why in the world would you think that?" he laughed uneasily.

"Why? Well, smartass, first of fucking all—"

And we interrupt Yoongi's lit roasting for Namjoon's thoughts: it was at that moment that he knew, he fucked up.

"Are you fucking serious? How fucking stupid can this dumbass author be? My brain cells are fucking dying because of her fucking incompetence. Someone needs to sue her lazy ass."

"I don't fucking know, just get to the point, you fucker! We got no time for this shit, and my goddamn salon appointment starts in ten fucking minutes!" Seokjin shouted at him.

"Bitch, there's the fucking door. You can fucking leave now; and no, you're not fucking welcome."

"Well, asshole, if you had a bit more fucking brain juice to fucking spare, you would fucking know that if I could fucking leave, I would've fucking done so fifteen fucking minutes ago! She locked the fucking door from the fucking outside and she fucking trapped us all in here!"

"Wow, Seokjin-hyung. I don't think even Yoongi-hyung has said that many curse words in one statement," Namjoon oh-so-wisely commented.

"Shut your fucking mouth, you degenerate. It's not my fucking fault that you break everything in your fucking line of vision, including the fucking electrical post. I knew you were fucking gonna kill us all one fucking day."

That quickly shut the other one up.

"Wait, who is 'she'? The author?" Jungkook chimed in.

"Well, who the fuck else would do that, Jungcackles? Use your fucking brain, for fuck's sake!" Seokjin paused, "oh, right. You don't even fucking have one in the first fucking place. My nonexistent apologies, Jungshit."

"I honestly feel so attacked right now." The youngest male sniffled.

"Don't we have a key?" Taehyung promptly asked.

"Her ungrateful ass fucking stole it too!"

"Ugh. She's such a bitch." Jimin scowled, crossing his arms.

"Damn right I am, motherfucker." The author suddenly popped up out of nowhere, giving Jimin a heart attack as she smirked wickedly at them (take note: she seemed more like a completely crazed idiot than anything) before winking at Seokjin, who looked absolutely disgusted and done with life.

"I'm Kim Seokjin's bitch, you little fucktards!" she screeched, doing his signature traffic dance like the maniac she was.

And at that moment, jumping out the window suddenly seemed like such a great idea to everyone there.

Well, maybe except for the crackhead author, but even she had her... moments.

"Jesus fucking Christ, fuck no. We don't need another fucking waste of fucking precious oxygen around here, thank you very fucking much," Seokjin hissed.

"Then go kill yourself," Yoongi retorts. "You're a bigger waste of fucking oxygen here than anybody else."

"Bitch, please. That is a terrific fucking idea. Yeah, thanks for the fucking noise pollution. Why don't you go do it first then, Yoongi? Since you're such a goddamn genius?"

"Where's the lie there? And that's not a bad idea, actually."

"Why am I still here again?" Hoseok queried.

"Because you're our only hope in this lost civilization." Namjoon snickered. "Get it? Hope? Positivity? j-hope?"

No one responded, except by giving him weird looks.

"Okay, then." He looked down, questioning his existence.

"Fuck, look what you've done. Now this has gone fucking awkward. I'm ending this." The author sighed disappointedly.

"I really need a fucking break from life."

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i hate school sm