missing peice of heart

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Gulf -

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Gulf -

I feel the raindrops on my skin I don't know how long I have been standing here all I know is that's it I can't take it anymore, I can't pretend as nothing happened I could have saved him but he didn't want me he threw us out of our lives .........he was the one who made me feel this way all I wanted was him to love me and be my father that's all but no he pushed us all away and not that he is gone he I feel this way it wasn't my fault was it?

Flashback - ( gulfs pov )

Gulf childhood

I was never a good student I am a loser a failer with no friends I use to sit alone in lunch when everyone uses to eat with their friends I am emotionally all alone, I had no one kids use to make fun of me because of my teeth ( I broke my front teeth in an accident ) and I was not a smart kid I was a dumb one worst than that was my family they all hated me abused me hitted me and threw me aside for being so dumb I wasn't my fault to be born not too intelligent my younger sister pam she was a great student with A+ grades I tried hard but something is not made to be ........

My mom is a teacher and she was always busy with work and the free time she got she use to spend with my sister they always tossed me aside like nothing but I didn't care too much ,there was my dad the man I loved so much I wanted his love and attention I don't know why I loved him and he hated me he abused me cursed me beated me and sometimes locked in bathroom without light too from the day I turned 4, but I loved him anyways he was my father I loved him more than myself , when I grew up I use to change school quite often and I had to adjust , in my teenage years the things were pretty much the same my father regularly reminding me that I am a cure and that I should die but that's who I am , I still loved him after school tired I use to wait for him to return back so that he could ask me something but what he use to do was give his bag to me and go to his daughter in front of my his friends he use issult me I wasn't a good son to him but my heart knew how many nights I spend crying and begging god for him to love me back I did everything to get attention I worked my ass of for NCC( army camp) so that he could fell proud of me but he never showed neither my mom did I was hurt everyones parents were there my I had no one on my side who could say I ddi great .....

My dad was an alcoholic he use to drink too much and was always in alcohol but I use to tell my friends my dad was the greatest man alive and I love him, I never lied about how much I loved him ......... I grew up to be emotionally detached from everyone it wasn't my fault I had no one from childhood to share my feelings with ......

Pam my younger sister was a real bitch, mom and dad always loved and cared for her they never saw they also had a son, she was selfish and jealous if I got something for years I hated her and now also I do she made me feel that I was no one that existence doesn't matter to anyone, my parents got separated when I was 15 my mom I and my sister started living without my dad and guess What he tried to contact my grandmother but he just wanted my sister and mom he didn't want me,  I FREAKING HATE THEM ALL ......

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