Things will get better

(TW: talks about blood, self-harm, and death. I do not have ADHD so I'm sorry if I put the wrong information. Please do not read if you get easily triggered. Also I am the same person as the one who posted this story on Tumblr and Ao3 but feel free to ask.)

Ever since Shiro came back and Keith left something changed. Everyone always seemed to be angry at Lance. It's like they would rather have Keith as their red paladin. The only time the team would to Lance was after missions and training. But it wasn't talking, it was yelling. Criticizing every tiny mistake he made. It was like they only paid attention to him when he made a mistake. Lance is a person just like the others. So why him? Is he not good enough? Is it because of his jokes and flirty comments? He's just trying to brighten the situation.

Besides, it's not his fault his ADHD couldn't let him focus. It's not his fault that his Depression and Anxiety would overwhelm him. His Depression was trying to grab him by the legs while his Anxiety pushed him under by the shoulders and his ADHD forcing his head down. They were all trying to drown him. Get rid of him. Even they didn't want him. For a while, the meds worked but it didn't take long for him to run out in space.

It's not the fact that there's no cure for any of these mental illnesses. It's the fact no one cares enough to ask him how he is doing. No one knows what goes on up inside his mind. But they think they do. Shiro thinks he's immature. Allura thinks he's a playboy. Pidge thinks he's stupid. Hunk thinks he's not trying. Coran? Well, he's oblivious to what's going on.

They don't understand. They don't realize how the poor blue boy gets more and more quiet.  Yet all he has to do is open his mouth and he's told to shut up. It's sad how such a loud, happy, and outgoing boy can turn into a quiet, miserable, reserved boy. The war takes from his innocence. The team takes his happiness. The only time he truly felt alive was in his dreams only to be slowly be turned into nightmares. The trust he had in his team turned into dust.

He felt numb. All the insults and looks had shattered his elastic heart. The saddest part is that this has gone on for so long that he's used to it. He's used to being brought together and to be shattered once more. What does it matter if Voltron was just another group of people that decided to shatter him? In the end, he knows Voltron doesn't need him but he needs them. One day, just like the Blue Lion shut him out, the Red Lion will do it too. Lance's heart was broken so many times that if you made a 3D version of it, the fragments would be so small it feels like sand.

The boy spent hours in his bathroom sitting in the water, blood rushing down his cold skin. The lines on his thighs were too many to count. Each of them told a different story. A story about how Lance was mistreated by someone. Lance failed to notice how all of his scars proved just how strong he was. He hated them but he couldn't stop. He deserved the pain. Over time the pain numbed. The scars showed his insecurities. Not only did he have to deal with an intergalactic 10,000 year old war but there was a harder one in his mind.

Truth be told, he just wants to be okay. He's sick of waking up to those annoying alarms. He knows he's in too deep. The reflection in the mirror isn't him and he knows it. The only things he saw in the mirror were mistakes. His eyes are red from crying. Lips cracked. The beautiful curly brown locks are a mess. Yet he doesn't do anything about it. He's too tired to keep going. The poison is spreading in his head. He's scared of being alone because of the voices in his mind. He doesn't want them. Lance being torn apart at the seams but he's fine he says. He's okay!

Being near Lotor was the first time Lance felt safe. The prince cared and asked Lance how he was. In return, Lance would let him out of the prison-like room. They trusted each other. Lotor and Lance spent most of the time together. They would be talking, joking, or even flirting. They both knew they were platonic. In a way, they were like best friends that had known each other since birth. They acted like teenage boys or girls if anything.

Lotor would gossip about his lesbian generals and complain about his daddy and mommy issues. Lance would gossip about people on Earth and complain about his team. Once Lance had started to tell him about his cultural dances like Bachata and salsa. That night, they danced in the Observatory under all the stars and galaxies to Prince Royce and Romeo Santos. Since the music came from his phone, it wasn't loud enough to be heard by the sleeping teammates but it was enough for the two to completely forget about everything else.

While they were talking, Lance accidentally slipped the fact that he died. Lotor was angry. But not at Lance. At Allura. She knew that Lance's  temporary death would distract the paladins from their mission. And couldn't she see the pain she has caused Lance? It's almost as if she doesn't care either. Did anyone but Lotor care? Who knows.

Then Keith came back but he wasn't alone. Apparently, he had found his mother, a teleporting space wolf, and an Altean. The moment Keith announced to the team about Lotor's secret, everything in Lance once again shattered. They had told each other everything. All their secrets and embarrassing events. Yes, he was angry but not for the same reason the others were. He was upset that Lotor didn't tell him. But deep inside he knew that Lotor didn't mean to hurt him. When he walked through those doors laughing with Allura, he pulled out that gun. Lotor read his face and knew it had to be done. Lance's face was angry but his eyes are worried yet hurt. Lotor's eyes meet his. Lotor's face was serious while his eyes were sorry and forgiving.

After the whole battle, Voltron had won but Lotor was dead and lost the castle. Lance was all alone again. During the battle, Lotor tried not to hurt Lance while Lance did the same. Thereon they started their travel to Earth every once in a while stopping to give the lions a break. About 5 months into their trip they stop on an Earth-like planet. The only difference is that the sky is always a deep purple, the trees and grass are shades of pinks, but the water is a light blue. Like the waters in Cuba. If he didn't miss Earth so much, he would say that this planet would be perfect for him. I mean the purple sky, pink nature, AND the blue water? This planet just screams Bisexual.

"Lance, how come you never talk anymore? Are you okay?" Lance looked next to him and shrugged. Keith was there. He realized the others were sitting down and staring at him. "I'm fine Keith. Why?" He flinched at the cracks in his voice but that's the consequences of being ignored and having no one willing to listen.

"Yeah now that I think about it. I don't think you've talked to anyone for months. Lance are you sure you're okay?" Hunk softly spoke sitting next to Allura and Pidge. Tears appeared in his eyes but still smiled. "Of course I'm fine! Hunk my man I'm as good as can be." Hunk stood up and walked over to him pulling him up the the process. Lance's eyes widen. He knew. Hunk knew. So did Keith. They all knew...

Hunk pulled Lance into a hug. " It's okay. You can cry. It's alright Blue.." the moment he called him Blue he returned the hug whimpering. Tears fell down his face. Lance hid his face in Hunk's neck. He was confused. How did they find out? Oh no. Lance forgot that when they were evaluating the ship Coran downloaded all the security records. The places with the most cameras was Lotor's cell and the observatory. The places where Lotor and Lance spent most of their time together. That meant they knew all of his secrets along with Lotor's.

They knew. They knew and they were confronting him. No. No.. No.. What does he do now? Deny everything? They have cameras and proof! Oh God they're gonna kick him out. Leave him on this planet. They didn't want him anymore.

"Lance calm down. You're breathing too quickly. We're not angry. We're sorry for treating you like that. I'm sorry.." hunk's voice cracked as he started crying too. Lance shook his head and held on tighter. "Hunk no! It's fine. I'm fine. Don't worry. It's okay. I'm not angry at all. You guys all had more important things to do." He felt a group of people hug him.

"No Lance. What we did was inexcusable. What treated our favorite Blue paladin was if he was a quiznaking enemy. I'm most devastated at the way I've behaved toward you." Allura cried. Lance shyly smiled. As everyone in the group hug had expressed the way they were sorry, he appreciated it but it would take sometime before things went back to normal.

"As much as I'd like to smother Lance with love and kindness, we need to leave. We only need a year and a half." Shiro called out. The team agreed and decided that the wolf would go with Lance since Kosmos was like a service dog but with magical teleportation powers. Totally not weird at all.

(I hope everyone enjoys my first ever book! I've never written any and I'm not sure if it's that good. I'll be making more books in the future. Goodbye! )