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Iwtbh

God I hate this feeling.

Some minor inconvenience and my body shuts down. I hate sitting here in my own stupidly pointless misery. I hate that I can't just snap out of it & feel normal again. This annoyingly overwhelming feeling of sadness (if I could even call it that) that comes over me every once in a while is exhausting.

I've been doing so well lately and just trying to live life how I like. Others around me cause me to overthink things tho and then the next thing I know I'm stuck in this place where I can't stop thinking about everything I could or should be doing.

What's even the point of me? Why am I here. Why was I born in this time & place if I'm not meant to do anything special. At this point I just don't see what the big picture is & it sucks. I want to have goals and dreams and stupid little things to look forward to and lately I just can't bring myself to have any of those things. I go through the day dreading the next and before I know it I'm in bed and thinking too much too fast.

I hate repetitiveness and that's all my life is, it's so mentally exhausting and I just don't want that anymore. But at the same time I don't know what I do want exactly. I don't know how to stop this endless cycle without losing things that I need for survival.

I hate feeling so stuck.

Why is life taking so long. I hate being told that I'm young & that things work out because I want things to be okay now. I want everything now and I don't want to wait. I'm so sick and tired of waiting. I just want things to move. To go quicker. I need everything to speed up just enough that I can feel change happening.

Ignore my rambling.

Goodnight.