A Court of Illyrian Hearts

Chapter Thirty-Two

Cassian POV

I could feel it – the change in the bond. Only, I didn't know what that change was.

But my worrying for Baelyn was no longer misplaced, and as I walked out of my last appointment with Madja I was practically itching to start the journey to Windhaven.

'We'll take the rest of the day to prepare for the journey,' Azriel, at my side, says. 'and start first thing tomorrow.'

I raise my eyebrows in surprise as I turn to him. 'You're coming with me?'

An incredulous look. 'Of course Cassian; if Baelyn is in danger you will need to be there for her – leaving no one to take care of things around the camp.'

A twinge of guilt shoots through me. This was supposed to be mine and Baelyn's mission, and we'd already screwed up the first part...and now the second. Azriel had enough on his plate without having to deal with this too. But I keep my mouth shut, knowing full well that if I were to object it would not be received well.

Preparations for the trek wouldn't take long, merely two packs – one for each of us carrying food and other supplies – needed to be packed. Madja hadn't cleared me for flying for another two months 'at least,' and though it annoyed the hell out of me, I wouldn't risk damaging my key to the skies. Again.

I feel the rest of the day go by in a blur, between preparing and taking care of Nyx when his parents needed a rest, the hours slipped by without me noticing.

Lying on the ornate couch in the River House, I lift baby Nyx up over my head and pretend he's flying high above me. I couldn't wait to teach him how to fly -- if Rhys and Feyre allowed me to. The overprotective parents thing had really settled into them, making them a throbbing pain in the ass when it came to the safety of their child. But I wasn't one to speak on it, having moped around for two weeks without my mate.

Nyx lets out a little squeal of delight when I pretend to drop him, only to catch him before he falls on top of me. I can't help laughing with him, his little face contorted in the purest of delight. Gods I never realised how much I loved children.

Straightening my arms again, I lift him high up above my head and slowly swing him back and forth, little giggles erupting from his chest.

I'd never considered children for myself – never believed I would find anyone to have them with. But the thought of Baelyn and I making little bundles of joy like Nyx for ourselves...

My heart clenches at the thought. Allowing myself to consider that Baelyn might be pregnant was foolish. We hadn't had the conversation yet, and I didn't believe she was anywhere near ready to have children. Nor was I.

There was still so much pain and trauma to deal with – for both of us. And even if we wanted to have children, the chances of two Illyrians conceiving were as slim as two Fae producing a little faeling.

'I'm starting to worry that he likes you more than me.'

I crane my neck to find Rhysand leaning against the doorway, hands in his pockets, at ease and more happy than I've seen him in years thanks to Feyre and his son.

'As if it would be such a shock,' I reply, bringing Nyx to my chest and sitting up. 'he knows Uncle Cass is the fun one.'

Rhys snorts.

'Besides,' I continue, giving my brother a wicked grin. 'We both know he loves his mother the most. Who would've thought he'd be as big a mamma's boy as you were?'

He laughs, despite the shadow passing over his eyes at the memory of his mother's demise. It was an old wound, and one that would probably hurt for all eternity. But Feyre would help him on the rough days, as would I, and Azriel and Morrigan.