A Court of Illyrian Hearts

Chapter Thirty-Three

Cassian POV

'That's eight times you've cursed in the last five minutes.' Azriel says.

Yes, yes it was. The Illyrian forest was more of a bastard than the last time I had walked through it – with Baelyn. Maybe that was why.

'I'm sorry Az,' I apologise. Three days trekking the forest and we were moving slower than a herd of pregnant cows. And that was partly my fault because of having to stop more often than usual due to my still recuperating state.

Azriel had been mostly quiet for the past seventy-two hours; whether that was because he was pondering whatever was going on between him and Elain or because he wanted to give me the space I needed to figure out what in the Cauldron's name I would say to Baelyn when we reached the Camp, I didn't know. Perhaps it was both – but I still hadn't asked what was going on between him and the female, nor did he breach the subject. So it had been silent brooding on both parts.

We were a days walk from the Camp. From Baelyn. From everything I hold dear. To say I was on edge would be a sore understatement.

'We'll rest here for the night, start at dawn and reach Windhaven by sundown.' Azriel was saying, the male halted under a thickly leaved tree.

I nod and start to unpack dinner and our bedrolls.

We couldn't risk a fire, not with the ubiquitous number of fowl creatures prowling Illyria's forest at night. But Az and I could generate just the right amount of heat through our siphons to keep warm.

After a short dinner of stale bread and dried cheese and a bottle of beer shared between us that had somehow managed to sneak its way into one of the packs (probably curtesy of Rhysand), my brother and I lay back and gazed at the shimmering stars above. They reminded me of my mate, how her eyes lit up in those rare moments of happiness. I would give anything, anything to have her happy like that all the time.

A hand rested at the back of his head, Azriel quietly asks, 'Do you ever imagine having a family with your mate?'

I try my best to ignore the tightening of my chest. 'Of course I do, that's all I want.'

Az is quiet for so long I don't think he will respond until, 'What's it like? Having a mate who loves you no matter what?'

It was like falling off a cliff and knowing there was someone who would catch me, like all my dreams had come true all at once. 'Getting soft are you?' I tease, though more myself than him.

He chuckles.

It had crossed my mind that it would be hard for Azriel to watch both me and Rhys find the loves of our lives and mate them. And though he would undoubtedly scold either of us for showing concern about it, we knew it killed him inside; to watch us grow while he falls behind. 'It's like knowing that every hardship in my immortal life has been worth it to find her. I would do it all over a thousand times just to be with her for one minute.'

Azriel again falls silent.

'You will find your mate Azriel,' I turn to find his face cold yet...fragile; like the hardness was but one thin layer of ice covering a sea of churning emotions beneath. 'I don't know why the Mother has made you wait but...maybe she's saving the best for last.' A terrible choice of comfort words, but Azriel smiles slightly, breaking that hard mask.

'I hope so.'

Reminding him that whatever he was doing with Elain was futile because she wasn't his mate was unnecessary. He knew. And he would figure it all out just like everything else.

Turning my eyes back to the blanket of stars above us, I wordlessly scan the heavens, thinking of my mate, searching for the place where our story is written.