Pinned (completed)

5

1 year later 2019 Women's World Cup

Alyssa flew out with the team a week ago. I fly out tomorrow to watch them play.

I had one more stop on my way home before I needed to pack. I headed to the hospital to get checked out. The cramps and spasms weren't just in my arms, over the past month they have moved to my back and we're starting to affect my legs. The stuff that used to come so easy to me were now getting progressively harder to do. Eating was the hardest. Alyssa was catching on. She wasn't stupid. I had lost a lot of weight going from about 3250 calories a day to 800 if I'm lucky did a lot to a person. I was just praying it wasn't what I think it is.

I pulled into the hospital parking lot and walked in. I head up to the front and stand infront of the woman.

"How May I help you?"

"I have an appointment with Doctor Wainwright."

"He's out of the office today can I reschedule you for a time next week?"

"Is there any doctor that can run a blood test who is here today?"

"Yes I can call them down."

"Okay thank you." I say as I lean against the counter. She stares at my twitching hand as she calls down a doctor.

Minutes later a tall brunette doctor walks towards me.

"Hey I'm doctor Martens, you need bloodwork done?"

"Yes."

"Okay follow me." I do as told and walk in silence behind her. Once we board the elevator I hinge at the waist and rest my hands on my knees as I try to get a decent breathe.

She doesn't question anything as she stares at her watch. The elevator finally docks on the 5th floor and we exit. Walking to room 525.

"Please sit here. I need to grab a few things before we get started."

"Alright."

I take a seat and text Alyssa that I'll be in France by tomorrow evening.

"Okay so I need to get the basic information out of the way. Name, age, blood type, family history, any meds you are on?"

"Kingston Gray, 26, AB, Cardiac history on both sides of the family, no medication besides your over the counter pain meds due to a past injury."

"Okay any major surgery's?"

"Slap tear, acl twice, broken eye socket, compound fracture in my ankle, Liz frank, Broken ribs, punctured lung. But besides that nothing big like heart surgery."

"Oh wow. Umm. So what brings you in today?"

"I need bloodwork done to test my B12 levels."

"Oh why if you don't mind me asking."

"I don't mind at all. Umm I think I might have ALS. And before you Assume anything I've had tremors and muscle cramping, the twitches are spreading from my arms down to my back and legs. Eating is getting harder and I-I. . ." I try to finish my sentence but I'm having a hard time catching my breathe.

"Okay we can run the blood test and an MRI as well. It will help us narrow down the possible chances."

"Okay." She runs the blood work and sends it off to the lab before wheeling me up to the MRI machine.

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It's been two weeks since I got my results back. I haven't shared them with anyone. Scared someone would tell Alyssa. This is her first big tournament being named as the starting keeper. I can't do anything to distract her. It's the day of the finale.

The United States of America vs The Netherlands. I sit in the front row of the stands and finish my coke. After being diagnosed I was told to eat or drink everything that is high in caloric value since I have such a hard time eating.

The game goes on for what seems like ever, I'm cheering her and the team on as the game winds down in the finale minutes. The US was going to win 2-1. They would get their 4th star.

That's when it dawned on me I would ruin the victory with my news. I couldn't tell her tonight, that would be devastating. She deserves a win after being the second string for so long.

I was pulled from my thoughts as the referees whistle cuts through the air causing the stands to erupt in cheers. Alyssa alike with Ali, Kelley, Alex and Julie are running toward my row as their family and partners are located near me. Most of them barley recognize me with all the weight I've lost. I don't even recognize myself.

Alyssa stands on a folding chair and hugs me. "I'm so fucking proud of you. I shout in her ear as the noice in the stadium is increasing by the moment. I discretely kiss behind her ear as we aren't public just yet.

"Hey can we talk tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I love you know go celebrate with your family."

"I love you." She responds as she turns and heads off to her family. I leave the stadium and head back to her hotel. I don't think I can tell her. I've had the documents on me ever since I flew into France. I don't think I can look at her and tell her I have 2 years left if I'm lucky.

I use the spare key card and put the documents on her bed with the wedding ring I bought her. I drop the handwritten note on top of it and leave. I can't trap her with my illness.

The note read:  Dear, Alyssa.

I write this note with the greatest of sorrow. I've been diagnosed with ALS you can read about my prognosis in the Manila envelope. I am giving you an out as to not be burden by the medical expenses, the physical and mental burden of my illness. I can't say this to your face with out breaking down so I write to you to tell you this. I love you but I have to let you go even if it fills me with guilt. I can't be the reason you are sad. You shouldn't have to mourn a 26 year old. This is your out you have all the time in the world to make your decision. This is your out, I won't hold it against you. If you want me out I can have all my stuff out of your house by the following week. Please think this through before you make this decision. Think with your head rather then your heart and think of your career over this relationship.

Forever your love- Kingston Gray.

I leave the note on her bed and set a bag of peach rings on top. I leave quickly after placing the items on the bed and head to my hotel room. I couldn't be the reason she's in pain. There are no treatments for my illness. I just have to live it out until I'm a vegetable. I'm barely evening living at this point. Once I get back to the states I'm getting a feeding tube to take off some of the stress of eating.

I sit on the bed in the dark, barren room. My minds going out the gutter the past and present run together as I think of my future or what's left of it. I've tried talking to the naked walls, but they don't have to much to say.

Alyssa text me that she is on her way to the hotel. I can't respond. I turn off my phone and lay down. The twitches are getting worse as I count the constellations on the popcorn ceiling. As my eyes start to shut I feel the tremors taking over my arms. The once dull shake has turned into a full on earth quake.

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