Fated to say, "Goodbye"

ch IX

Are people still reading this? I'm really sorry for not updating this story all this time. But now... I'm gonna end it within September. I'll resume Believe Again too, but after my exams.

Unedited coz I wrote this in my breaks the whole day long and even now my book is right beside my laptop... Hope you'll enjoy.

-Wannie

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Mew was lying on the floor of his condo. Breathing. Staring into the space. He didn't want to worry his parents by staying around them with what he had become. Staying at Lhong's place not an option either. No matter how terrible of a situation he was in, it did not mean he could just barge into his best friend's place. Lhong had his own life, a boyfriend who actually loved him. And Mew did not want to ruin their relationship all because of how pathetic of a creature he was now. In the end, the only place he was left to turn to was his condo. The little place where he was so happy and ecstatic once. Only for a few day, but he was. The same little place where his world turned upside down.

He himself did not know why was he growing so pathetic. But he couldn't help it. He had been calling Gulf's name out every now and then, wishing for his baby to come and hug him. Rather, all he got was silence. How he wished to have not thrown a tantrum then and let Gulf stay till the weekend. If only he had not been taken over by his emotions. If only. It was just this 'if only' he had been living with for all these days. It was because of this 'if only' that he was still hanging onto all those memories. Even though it hurt him to think of everything that happened, he couldn't let go. He didn't know why but he just couldn't. Maybe it was because it was his first time being so spent on someone. Maybe because he had his first time with Gulf. Or maybe just because it was his first time having feelings for someone for this long that it was hard for him to stop thinking about Gulf.

Just staring around at the messy place, his eyes fixated on the small table near the kitchen. Unknowingly, his head was filled with noises. They sounded so good but at the same time, something kept stabbing his heart. "I love you, Mew," wasn't that what Gulf would always say? "Let's get married after graduating. We'll elope so my father can't hurt you. How does it sound?" this is what Gulf had said, sitting right on that table, hugging Mew once. "How do cook so great?! I mean it, I'm so close to running away from my house just to have your food," was how Gulf would moan with every bite of the food Mew made him.

Shaking his head and sitting up with his back straight, Mew called his father. "You okay, son? Need anything? You haven't come home in a week now," his father's worriedness was clear in just his voice. Mew shook his head as if his father could see him. "Dad, can I ask a favor, please?" Mew's voice was near to breaking down. "Yes, kiddo. Anything you want, tell me," an assurance that he still had people who genuinely cared for him. That there were people who would stay with him and not leave like someone did. "I- I don't w- want to stay here," a heavy breath left Mew's lips. "You can just come home if you don't want to stay there. What's the problem in that, Mew?" Mew clenched his fists, trying to hold back his tears.

"N- No... th- that's not what I meant, dad," he tried sounding as normal as he could. His father knew he was trying his best to not sound like he was hurting, and it broke his heart. It broke his heart to see his son suffer so much, he wanted to hate Gulf for that. But he couldn't. His wife had told him of her meeting with Gulf and that had made the situation clearer to him. All he could do was pity both the boys who were suffering on their own at different ends. He so wanted to tell Mew about the truth, but he did not have the heart to. He could see how gloomy Mew would turn just by remembering things about Gulf. And he had no heart to take the name on Mew's face.