Dreams Apart

04

Years into the past

Collateral beauty, Kimberly's night-time rumble sounded more like waves crushing on the shore. Her arms tightly locked my body; fear of losing her sister to the unknown. She's lost so much already. She's lost more than I have, and I couldn't forgive myself for that.

I dreaded sleep. It was the surrender of consciousness and reality. A refuge from the chaos of waking life into the corridors that stretched endlessly with whispers and gore. I didn't tell anyone about it, but they were signs- the cracks beneath my glassy eyes. The loss of focus and the attempts to fight the weight my eyelids carried.

Suddenly, there was a knock. It was bold, sounding like gavel declaring presence. I turned to face Kim, who appeared to be deep in slumber to be awoken by the sudden noise. I released my body from her, tiptoeing to the wooden door and meeting golden amber orbs.

I stalked behind him, lifting each foot after the other in silence. His steps came to a halt into the rusted and neglected sanctuary. The neglect had quietly conspired. Once a proud gazebo, now carried the weight of time. The flowers resembled rust and loss like the stools. The space was dead silent with no sign of lingering memories.

His eyes bored into mine. It was as if he was reading me, drawing me in and absorbing me whole. "Why are we here?" I asked, my voice being slow and tired. For a second, Austin's eyes lit up with the very same shade of gold I questioned.

"I believe I should be the one to ask. Why did you stalk behind me?" His lips carved into a smirk, I scoffed in disbelief.

"Stalk? You knocked on my door." I spoke with a sudden burst of energy. His smirk drew into a smile, still locking his eyes with mine. He didn't speak again, nor did I. The only sound was our silent breaths that rhythmically went over each other.

There was a sudden flare to his hand, a burning cigarette that lit in between his fingers. I watched in awe, the moment resembling the one I had with his father. Then he spoke, "I come here often. It's dead and assuring." He inhaled the smoke, letting it burn his lungs before releasing it. The remains danced like fleeting memories before disappearing.

"What's so assuring about death?" I spoke, my voice leaking in curiosity and wonder. I didn't find death assuring, nor did I find beauty in damage. He hesitated, consuming more of the smoke before he spoke.

"I used to have nightmares of this rusted space. I can't tell if it was my reality or just dreams. All I know is that it was torture until it died and began to spoil. Now, we have this... collateral beauty." The smoke he released lingered for a while again before vanishing into thin air.

"I no longer have questions, no more conflicts regarding this place. Its death has offered an unwavering conclusion. I come to see if it still haunts me, and it doesn't." He found beauty in the quiet kind of certainty that contrasts with the chaos and struggle of trying to understand his nightmare.

At that moment, I took a step closer to him. His eye brow shot up, arching like a startled question mark. I took the burning flare from his fingers and into my own. I looked into his eyes. He couldn't shadow his thunderstruck reaction. I let the flare burn into my lips. I inhaled the smoke, letting it set flare into my lungs and finally releasing it.

I felt alive, as though I had crawled out of a shell that had weighed me down to the gravel. "The beauty in your collateral seems to be the fog that you consume and release. There's no silence even in the dead. This sanctuary seems loud enough to me." I threw his cigarette to the ground after inhaling another smoke, then I marched away.

Heyyyyy!! I'm sick with the flu and it's also that time of the month. On my second mental breakdown, but hey, how are you doing?