Dreams Apart

05

Years into the past

The world stilled, everything was stagnant, motionless, and yet time raced before I could fully grasp it. The blue meds that I consumed tainted my vision, and the way I felt beneath earth's sinister grasp.

Before the meds had altered my life, the nightmares found a way to mark my reality. I had carving on my skin, bite marks that resembled the fight, and bloodshot eyes that told a story of a restless child. With Diana's discovery of the tragedy, I was taken to a doctor; one who uttered the words, "dissociative disorder" as a possible condition.

Medication of all sorts filled the cabinets and down to my throat at times when I began losing reality's grip.

I was a glass child. I saw it in their eyes and the way they spoke. Ronald never mentioned seeking beauty in damage anymore. His tone was careful, as if I'd break if he spoked bluntly. The words that escaped Diana's pale lips were only of meds and treatment. Austin was too busy to treat me distinctly.

He was abroad most of the time. It was evident that he had no say to the pursuing of business horizons. He was titled "heir" before he could grasp the concept of navigation. And because of his constant traveling, they decided to home school him. However, he was never at home.

Even during holidays, he'd be in Italy with his grandparents. I can't say that didn't make matters worse. The loneliness began to creep in, and the dull walls began narrowing, and it felt like the world would swallow me whole. It may have been the pills, ot it may have been the last bit of sanity escaping my grasp.

We were enrolled in Emerse Green, where Austin was previously admitted. Kimberly began adjusting to the change. The small storm contained within her tiny hand began unleashing, and her eyebrows no longer shot up in fright. It was bittersweet to watch what I couldn't learn to do.

"Mama," her tiny voice broke the suspense. It was a 'family dinner' that night, we were joined by relatives of all sorts. However, Austin wasn't present for the occasion. They all gawked at my younger sister to utter appreciation.

"What does she call you?" They had asked, all curious to the odd situation Diana had adopted into her home.

"Mama." There it was, Kim's voice that broke the suspense and wonder. That was the first time she had called Diana that, someone who isn't our mother. I tried to swallow the tears that desperately hung on the edge of my eyes.

Will Kimberly even remember our mom, or will she have tainted memories that are shadowed by the presence of Diana?

I began taking more of the pills, I wanted them not to only silence the nightmares, but I also wanted them to silence the demeaning reality. Everything began growing still and motionless. I wanted it to stay that way, even if it meant I was slowly fading away with the motion of events.

Time still raced past, not waiting for me to grasp acceptance or to adjust so, no, time didn't heal this wound. It tore, and blood streamed, staining the moments I could never reclaim. Each drop felt like a piece of myself slipping away, leaving me lost in the current, helpless to stop its pull. The wound grew deeper, raw and exposed, while the world continued its march forward, indifferent to my pain.

There was a knock, one that was bold, sounding like gavel declaring presence. This time, I didn't have to release my body from embrace. I simply stood up and walked up to the same wooden door. There he was, with the same golden amber orbs.