Little Burst

I wonder.

Fandom: anything
Warnings: angst, implied suicide
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I wonder.

Is it okay to cry at home?
Is it okay to feel unsafe in a home?
Is it okay to feel like I can't cry in front of my own family?
Is it okay to feel like, 'it will be better if I am gone?'
Is it okay that music can understand me better than the people I am supposed to trust?
Is it okay to be angry or sad?
Is it okay to want to scream?

I don't know. I feel like no one can ever understand me. All the lies and nonsense adults spew saying things like 'you can tell me anything' 'everyone deserves a second chance' 'don't worry you won't get into trouble if you just tell me'.

All of them are lies. Because at the end of the day they will always say the same things. 'you should have been better' 'this is all your fault' 'see! Because of you I feel embarrassed' 'you have a house and food and clothes! You have no reason to be upset'

End of the day, I am the one in pain and crying into a pillow. While the people who I am suppose to trust and comfort me are the source of my pain.

I wonder.
Is it okay to just want the world to stop and listen to me?