*trigger warning*
Bold is Maura's real self talking to herself
Italics is Maura's voices in her head
Anything in between ** is a flashback
-----
"Jane, really, I'm fine.. Please go" I say, my voice wavering
"Maur-"
"No! I'm fine.. Jesus.. I just need some time alone, Jane.. Please"
"I'm sorry, Maur.. I'll see you tomorrow at work.. Good night"
Haha.. Sure you will.. I'll be dead by the morning.. I'm so hungry but I feel so sick.. I can't eat.. She turned me down again.. Its because you're not good enough, Maura.. You know that you worthless bitch.. WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?!!!
Oh come on! Do you really think she could love you?!!!! NOBODY can EVER love you! She doesn't love you now, imagine what she's think when she saw those disgusting scars all over your body.. Wait until she knows you tried to ki-
Stop! Please!! Go away!!!!!! I run down my hallway sobbing, pulling my hair.. I run to my bathroom and reach in the cabinet for my razors.. I find them quickly and hold it in my hand, staring between it and myself in the mirror.. I'm not me anymore.. I don't recognize the girl in the mirror anymore..
Do it, you disgusting little slut.. I drag the razor blade across my skin once, twice, three times, four.. More and more until I can't hear the voices anymore.. Anything to release them.. God.. I feel so much better.. shit! So much blood.. I get out badages and alcohol to clean out the cuts.. It stings but feels good at the same time..
Finally I get it all cleaned up and head to bed.. As I change I look at my body in the full length mirror.. I disgust myself.. I hate my body and nobody knows.. I'm so good at faking.. I wanna be thinner and now I have all these scars on my thighs, hips, and stomach.. And now fresh cuts on my wrist.. Shit! How will I hide these? I look at my clothes but don't see much to cover it.. I'll call in tomorrow and go shopping for some long sleeves.. I throw a shirt on and go to brush my teeth.. Sleep takes awhile to come, but it does eventually..
YOU ARE READING
I didn't want you to know
Fanfiction*TRIGGER WARNING* SELF HARM Maura Isles is a self harmer.. Ever since the fifth grade she has been suffering from depression, schizophrenia, and self harm.. Now she has a best friend, Jane Rizzoli, and she's totally in love with her.. But what happ...
