I didn't want you to know

What took you so long?

*trigger warning*
Bold is Maura's real self talking to herself
Italics is Maura's voices in her head
Anything in between ** is a flashback
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I must've fallen asleep sometime while crying because I wake up in a heap in the center of my queen size bed.. I remember what happened today and a sob comes out of me once again.. But then my cell phone rings and I look at it and see Jane's face on my screen.. I wipe my face of tears and take a deep breathe..

"Hello" I say calmly

"Hey, Maur.. Where were you today? What's up?"

"I went shopping today.. And went for a run" The worst run my fucking life..

"Are you okay??" Jane asks and I realize that another sob has yet again torn through me..

"No" I say as I cry.. "No.. I'm not okay.. When am I ever okay? I'm never okay!" I frantically yell through the phone..

"I'm coming over, Maura.. I don't care if you don't want me to, I'm coming.. I'll be there in ten" I nod my head, forgetting she can't see me

"Okay"

"Do you want to stay on the phone until now?" I would like to but then I see my scars and cuts and opt to get dressed..

"Um no.. I'll be okay until then.."

"You sure?"

"Yes.. See you in ten" I say and hang up.. I run over to my closet and grab a new shirt that I just bought today and put on a black long sleeve shirt and black leggings.. I quickly go downstairs to see what I have to drink and find beer and wine.. I pour a glass of wine for myself and grab a beer for Jane.. She arrives shortly after and I open the door..

"Hey.. Why are you wearing that? Its freaking hot out" She says, checking out my outfit

"Oh.. I was kinda cold.. Come on in.. There's a beer on the counter for you" She walks by me and into the kitchen to grab her beer and heads to the couch like its her place..

"So what's wrong, Maur??" She asks as I sit down next to her, wine glass in hand..

"Oh um.... Its fine.. I'm okay now" I say, smiling reassuringly..

"I know you, Maura.. You're not okay"

"I am.. Really"

"Okay fine.. I've gotta apologize" I look at her confused "for the other night.. I should've tried to talk about it with you"

"Oh.. Jane, don't worry about it.."

"No.. The thing is that I do.. I do want to be with you.. I want you" I believe her, a little bit.. "But Casey still loves me"

"Do you still love him?"

"No" she looks confused "I mean I don't know.." She puts her head in her hands "no.. I don't.. I'm over him"

"Is that a question or a statement?"

"A statement"

"Okay... Then what's the problem?"

"Are you ready??"

"Of course I am! I asked you, remember?",

"Okay.. Then we should talk" I look confused "I mean.. Get to really know each other.. Okay?"

"Okay!" I yell and jump on her to hug her.. She hugs me back and we just sit there for awhile holding each other