One Shots - Marvel

A Walk to Remember (Sebastian Stan)

Part 2 of Let You Down

                                                        Sebastian p.o.v

I couldn't stand being in the house anymore. The silence was killing me and the vision of Thalia in the living room or the library felt like a knife to the heart every time. For a week all I saw was red, I was furious. But not because of her as I had said. I was furious with myself because I had handled things like shit. I knew how hard these months were going to be. We talked about it, consulted our therapists about it, and decided to go to a few couples therapy sessions. They seemed to be working. But I snapped. I know it was my fault and then there was no coming back.

The fight had felt like a World War. Screams had broken the tension and opened a gap between us that I still didn't know how we were going to close. But I needed to close it. That's the only thing I had in mind. Talk things out and work on them. I could not lose her; I had already lost enough, and Thalia was the only thing keeping me sane. But things didn't seem to get better, in fact, they got worse. By Wednesday she couldn't even look me in the eyes. And the worst thing is that I couldn't call her out on it. Nor on anything. I had been the biggest of assholes, I had it coming. I spent the nights wide awake, afraid she would leave while I slept. I felt her shaking beside me for nights, silently crying. It took every ounce of me not to pull her in my arms, seeing her hurting and knowing I was the reason behind it was the worst part. I had promised her to love her endlessly and never cause her any pain, and now she was crying day and night for me. But I couldn't let her go; neither could she let me go. We both knew how much was at stake if we broke up. We had such a deep level of connection and love that we -and, as I have been told by Anthony and Chris, everyone who knew us- knew we would never love anyone as much as we love each other.

I started to feel claustrophobic in the big penthouse we shared, and I felt the urged to get out. I didn't know where to go, what to do and when I reached the door, fear of letting her alone hit me hard. I turned around one last time and she was in the same position she had been all afternoon, sitting on the floor, back resting on the couch and knees pressed on her chest. I could sense her gaze going through the few photos on the shelves and then back to the mess around her. How had we got to the point of throwing our memories out to waste? The vision made me shake and my eyes got filled with tears; I thought I had cried them all already. Fresh air hit me when I stepped out of the building, I stood in front of the door for a while, not really knowing what to do. I felt like a stranger walking through the streets, my heart rushing and sight unfocused. I knew I was dissociating again and by reflex, my hands flexed in tight fists till my nails dug on my palms. I kept walking and pressing my hands harder, but it didn't work anymore.

My legs started to work for themselves and a couple of minutes later I realized I was running. By the time I finally got control of my body and mind, I realized I was in Pier 25, in Hudson River Park, Thalia's and my favourite place. We used to come almost every night when we started dating. The benches had been the witnesses of the beginning of our story, they held stories that no one -besides Thalia and I- knew, they heard us pouring our hearts out to each other more than four nights a week for three months. Those were some of the happiest days of my life, I knew since the first night that she was the love of my life. If it wasn't her, it was nobody else. I decided to walk to most of the places we had gone on our first nightly walks. I went back to Rockefeller Park, people running around, couples walking, families having picnics, and the colourful trees announcing the beginning of autumn. We had taken long strolls through the park and then to the Brooklyn Bridge, one of our favourite places to watch the sunset. The walk underneath was usually empty at 5.30 am, when we would sit down quietly, her head on my shoulder and the big city in front of us. I vividly remember one day that she started laughing and looked at me, straight in the eyes. "This city belongs to us," said she confidently "I feel like the queen of New York next to the king, watching over the city". The next sunrise we watched together, I gifted her a crown "no queen should reign without one" I told her while I put it on her; her eyes were sparkling, Swarovski diamonds would be jealous of her eyes, the thought run free in my mind and, 4 years later, I still hold onto my statement no precious stone could ever be as beautiful as her eyes, those were the most magnificent creation of nature.