11 Years Age Gap

Chapter 5.

"uh.. about that.." He smiled as he answered. I was eating and waited for him to say something.

"I want to tell you that.. that I'm comfortable with you." He added. What I heard caused my eyes to widen. I give him a surprised face as I gaze at him.

"Really???" I asked happily and he nodded.

"I'm under stress because of me." He said and he looked away.

"Of yourself?" I asked confused.

"I'm up against myself. I am being led by my mind against me." He answered. I was paying close attention so that I could comprehend what he was saying.

"I have constant self-doubt. I've got a lot of what-if scenarios in my head.. I always doubt my ability to do my job well, if I should pursue my dreams, whether I will be able to carry out all of my plans, and whether I can make other people happy if I can't even find happiness for myself." He added. I could see the tears slowly forming in his eyes.

"I don't want to be a burden and a failure." Saad niya kasabay nito ang pagpatak ng mga luha niya.

"To the point where I start to think about what might happen if I fail, and start to have suicidal thoughts... When anxiety strikes, I sometimes find myself unknowingly on a rooftop, thinking of ending my life.. I didn't even know how I got there." He said while trying to hide his tears and maintain a smile on his face.

"It's honestly killing me.." He paused, "Every second, minute, hour, and every fucking day.. it's fucking killing me." He exclaimed emphatically while furiously clenching his jaw and fist and gazing at the food on the table with a blank expression.

"I'm stuck in this darkness because I let it consume me.." He added while looking down.

"I will help you get out of that darkness," I answered,

Duke looks at me while his tears continue to fall. "I had a dream earlier in which I saw you attempting to jump off on the roof of a building. I saved you there, I am confident that I can do it again." I added.

"No.. I can't help you." Bigla kong saad at napatingin siya ulit sa'kin.

"You only need yourself first. You must find yourself in that darkness. Look for the exit door.. I'm simply going to give you some tips or hints to help you figure out what you should do."

"Duke, all you need is yourself. Nobody is perfect.. Your dream of being an idol, writing and producing your music, and motivating and bringing joy to others has already come to reality. You've already achieved all of those. Duke, you truly make them happy. Did you not realize how appreciative the fans are of your saving them from the darkness? You support them greatly and are always there for them when they need a shoulder to cry.. as well as a sympathetic ear for the feelings that they are unable to express," I stopped and held both of his arms so he could look at me.

"They are very grateful to you.." I continued.

I smiled and spoke again, "It's not being selfish to think about yourself.. to choose yourself at this moment. It's time to save yourself from that darkness, Duke. Don't let it eat you fully." I said pleasantly. This time, he sobbed even more as he was unable to hold back the emotions he had been keeping from everyone for a very long time. I was relieved to see him releasing his tears.

I caressed each of his cheeks and wiped away his tears. I smiled at him. "You can do it, Duke. Your fans, your family, your beloved members, and your friends.. we trust you." I said as I kept wiping his tears.

He suddenly giggled, and he blushed. "Are you laughing?" Nairita kong tanong.

"No hahaha" Sagot niya na hindi matago-tago ang mga ngiti niya. I look at him confused.