One Inch Away

An Inch Away

Distance, length, space, interval. The terms that can explain how much space is taken from us. sometimes they called it absence, cause of something, someone that they can't touch or feel. For me, how can I explain distance? In three words, One Inch away.

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I'm back to the hospital for my new drug trial "Helorcevduroxin". I'm so lucky to have this opportunity to search for a cure and gives me a little more hope to breathe. even though there is no chance. Living with a chronic disease, like Cystic Fibrosis it's gonna make you more productive. You need to focus on your schedules, organize your regimen, take pills in time, and also prohibit you to have friends. The only thing that you have is the distance, 6 ft! Which is the maximum length between each other if you are talking with other Ceres.

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It's been a tough day for me, I can not focus on today's regimen. Same pills, same schedules but the focus is not allowing me to continue. My phone rings as the name of my mom pop-ups on the screen, I rapidly slide the green button to the left, and then a sound of relief. "How's the first day of the trial? Honey?"

I take a deep breath as the cannula pump some fresh oxygen into my lungs and, "It's great, same pills, same schedule, same treatment, the same disease".

I feel the worry in her voice as she replies, "Is there something wrong?"

I rapidly replied, "Nothing, I just can't focus on my regimen, and I'm so glad that you called".

She grins at me and "You can do it! I know you can! You are my fighter, by the way how's your morning? Can I fix you something?"

I smile at her and replied, "No mom! I'm fine, just your voice is enough".

She smiled and, Ok! See you soon and I love you"
I replied, "Love you too, Mom!"

What a relief! My phone alarms as a reminder pop up. Let me just first adjust my schedule for today and finish my morning routine.

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It's nearly afternoon, as I wore my Afflovest. Feeling its vibration all over my chest to loosen up the mucus from my freaking lungs. I coughed, as the mucus comes out of my mouth and putting it in a cup for disposal.

Someone knocked on the door with a sweet voice of a lady, "Knock, knock! Billy? Are you up?"

I removed my Afflovest and open up the door, It's my favorite nurse, Belle.

"Oh, Hi Belle! Why so mad?

She stared at me and replied, "Don't lock your door, Billy!

I laugh and, Ok, ok! I will. Don't look at me like that jeez".

She grins and, Ok, Dr. Lee will come by here later you better call your mom for this.

I gave her a thumbs-up and quickly call my mom. As my phone rings, I hear again of her sweet voice for the second time, "Hello! Billy? What is it?".

I rapidly answered her, Can you come here? Dr. Lee needs to talk with you".

My mom replied, "Why?

I replied, "I don't know? Maybe something important about my disease. Just come by, ok? Love you. Bye!

Weirdness gazed up in my mind, and makes me ask this question: "Is there a life after a novel ends?"

Someone says "there's a life after death"  I wish my new life is not like this, living for His treatments, on-call sessions, I'd just don't know.

Few minutes, my mom texted me that she is on her way up to my room. I better call Belle. I stood up and sit on my bed as I press the call button.

"Hi! Kirsten! Can you tell Belle that my mom is on her way up!"

As a sweet voice responds, "Ok! Bill! Anything else?

I nervously respond, "Nothing, thank you! As the call ends, someone is knocking on the door. "Come in!"

As the door opened I saw a beautiful blonde woman holding a pack of napkins. It's my mom!

"Hi, mom! I hugged her tight, and she respond "Is there something wrong? Like, please tell me!"

I looked at her and, "I don't know? Maybe it's all about my new drug trial, or something bad or good.

As my mom sits down, my door opened and I saw Dr. Lee with Belle.
"Hi, Bill! How are you?" I stood up and, Everything's fine! as I walk through the window and look outside, far away from this conversation.

I just stare at them talking about things that I don't want to hear, and I don't want to know if its a bad news or good news. Then, before Dr. Lee leaves my room. She left something on my table. My mom comes at me while holding Her pack of napkins and hugged me, "What's wrong?" As I started the conversation. She stares at me while wiping out her tears, "Honey! You are out for a transplant! As my tears slowly dripping in my face the only thing that I can do is cry.

As my mom leaves, it's nearly seven o'clock in the evening. I can't still believe that I'm out for a lung transplant.

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A new hospital, a new home, and a new search for medicine to help my lungs maintaining their breathing.
It's mid-winter and it's so freezing outside as I look at the window, I saw a very big swing set coated with ice. So decided to go outside just to check if it's able to carry my weight.

"Whoo! It's cold! As I put my hands inside my pockets and take a deep breath. It's so freezing the breeze is penetrating underneath my clothes, as I walk towards the swing set I saw a beautiful message on it: "Breathe deeply until sweet air extinguishes the burn of fear in your lungs and every breath is a beautiful refusal to become anything less than infinite". I grinned, and take sit as I realized that things that I have are temporary even in my life.

As I looked up and closed my eyes and wish for an answer. I gazed up and take a deep breath.

"Wait who is that girl standing on the ledge?"

"Hey! Get off of there!"