Amant Fou {DISCONTINUED}

chapter 10

Sometimes Billie struggles with showing/receiving affection.

As far back as Billie could remember she was in love with her mother. She wanted to be just like her, she admired her. She was Billies best friend and as far as Billie knew, she was her best friend. So when she just decided to leave and never come back Billie was confused. That confusion soon turned into anger.

She was angry for lots of reasons. She was angry that she lost her the woman she admired, she lost the woman she loved, she lost the woman she wanted to be just like, and she lost her best friend all in one. All so abruptly. After all her mom did just get up and leave, and never came back, with no explanation as to why.

Billie grew a strong hatred for her mother..and women in general.. that's why she never respected any woman she's ever got into a relationship with.. mommy issues at its finest.

Another result of her losing her mom is sometimes she likes to be babied with the women she'd get into relationships with. It takes her back to the time before her mother left. A coping mechanism.

Billie hated that her mother left her with her abusive father instead of taking her with her.. that's why she's so abusive. Daddy issues at its finest.

Years of it just being her, her brother, and her father she unwillingly took some of his very abusive traits. That's one of the main reasons why she's the way she is. She's abusive and angry all because that's the only thing she knows. Then all of the stored anger from her mom leaving doesn't make it any better.

Billie always wondered why her mother left. She always wondered why her dad was an abusive piece of shit. What did she do to deserve it? Did her mom not love her after all? Why did her dad hate her? Finneas was the only decent human being in her household, which eventually came to an end when he moved out. Which made her grow a slight hatred towards him for leaving her with their abusive father, all alone.

Billie sat late at night in her room praying to God asking for her mother to come back home. Eventually when she realized that wasn't happening she started praying for a simple phone call, hell even a text.

Those wishes never came true.. so she stopped praying. She stopped believing. She stopped having a hopeful outlook on life and just started accepting the way the world truly worked.

Fast forward to Billies relationship with Solana. What initially drew Billie to Solana was her overly trusting and caring ways. The girl did invite her to her house within the first 2 weeks of knowing her.

Billie's ex's are all different in various ways. If you would look at a line up of her ex's you wouldn't really be able to figure out what her type was. But the one thing they all had in common that attracted Billie was the lack of self esteem. No secret that Billie is attracted to girls who've been broken completely to the point that their willing to put their trust into anyone willing to give them more than 2 minutes of attention.

They think Billie is going to be their night and shining armor. The partner they prayed for. The one that's going to pick up all their broken pieces and put them back together. But no. Billie was far from that.

They expected an angel and got the devil herself instead.

Billies ability to gain someone's trust in the matter of weeks, would always be her strongest suit.

Billie is manipulative, egotistical, arrogant, angry, stubborn, prideful, jealous, hypocritical, selfish, controlling, pretty much just everything you're not supposed to be in a relationship.