Stupid Cupid

14: The Confession

- Tay's POV -

Inhale, exhale.

Another, Tawan.

Inhale, exhale.

Is New still awake?

A part of me hopes he isn't. So that he won't hear the loud beating of my heart, as if wanting to escape from my rib cage.

Yet, a bigger part of me hopes he is.

I just need to know that I'm not the only one being affected by this.

I now sleep on the floor of his room. Of course. he offered his bed to me, but I can't possibly make the owner of the house sleep on a couch that obviously won't accommodate his size.

An offer almost slipped out of my mouth—for him to sleep with me on the bed—but a cough came out instead.

Don't get me wrong. I'd really love to sleep with New on his bed. Or on my own bed. Or pretty much on any bed as long as it's with him.

But I don't want him to think that I'm imposing something else.

The floor is cold, but I'd rather be here than in an awkward situation where I'd have to explain to him my blushing cheeks and tightening sweatpants.

I still remember how he looked tonight after that shower he had while I was drinking a glass of water that I almost spat out once I saw him. Water dripping from his hair down to that milky neck. He was wearing an oversized shirt that exposed his collarbone, and for a second, I'd like to run to him and mark it with hickeys to make it mine. Those milky thighs exposed by his shorts that I imagined my hands gliding over his smooth skin.

Fuck.

There it is again. I can feel the little guy waking up.

Ssshhh little Tay, calm down. Calm down, please.

"Oh, calm the fuck down!"

"Tay?"

Shit! I spoke loudly!

I clear my throat to at least hide my embarrassment which I don't even know is effective but do anyway.

"Hmm, yes, New?"

"You okay?" he asks and I can sense the worry in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. How about you?" I sit up to see him.

He's lying on the other side of the bed, his body facing towards me and I can't see any trace of sleepiness on him. Maybe he hasn't fallen asleep yet.

A smirk is threatening to form on my lips but I stop it.

At least, now I see I'm not the only one being kept awake by each other's presence.

"It's pouring hard outside," he says quietly.

And there goes my hope, thrown out of the window, washed away by the rain.

The rain is keeping him awake. Not me.

"Yeah, it is. Can't sleep because of it?" I lean in, crossing my arms on the bed and resting my head on top of them. He holds his gaze on me for a few seconds before responding, "Hmm."

I smile at him and stretch my left hand out for him to hold. He takes it, and we sit in silence, looking at each other with smiles on our faces. My erratic heart finally calms down, and comfort envelops my entire body. Only he can give me this kind of warmth—warmth that makes me feel secure.

I know what I want to do now. 

"Can I sleep beside you?" "Want to watch a movie?" 

Okay. Let me just go outside, look for a cemetery, and bury myself six feet under. I smile at him awkwardly, wishing the ground would eat me whole. I just asked if I could sleep beside him, completely unaware that all he wants is to watch a movie with me. What is wrong with me?!

He lets out a chuckle, and I continue to sink lower. "I have a TV here. Want to watch a movie on the bed with me?" He taps the space beside him.

I nod slowly, pulling my hand from his. I stand up and take the space beside him as he grabs the remote from the nightstand and operates the television. 

"What do you want to watch?" New asks me.

"Hmm, anything is fine as long as it's not too heavy a drama and definitely not a horror story," I look at him and smile.

"Hmm, okay," he scrolls through the movies on Netflix until he stops at Pretty Woman.

"I've always had a crush on Julia Roberts. Specifically, her beautiful smile," New says, glancing at the TV. I can't help but admire his smile, too. It's much more beautiful than Julia Roberts.

I shift my focus back to the TV, watching a love story unfold between a prostitute and a wealthy entrepreneur. I subtly glance at New's innocent, pretty face, and a part of me starts to worry about myself. I haven't been completely honest with him. I haven't told him everything yet. I like him. I really do. I think I'm even falling in love.

But I wonder if he'll accept me wholeheartedly once he knows who I am. At least Edward knows from the start that Vivian was a prostitute before he fell for her. But New likes the version of me who is a Chief Operating Officer in my family's business who can afford to be on a month-long vacation.

"New," I whisper as I look at him.

"Hmm?" He asks without looking at me.

"Uhm, what if... what if I'm not who you think I am?"

He looks at me with brows furrowed.

"What do you mean? You're not Tay Tawan?"

"Uhm," I chuckle a bit, "I am."

"Then what do you mean by saying you're not who I think you are?"

I stare at him, feeling nervous as to what I'm about to say.

Fuck.

Will I lose him tonight?

"Tay, talk to me," he looks at me softly.

"What if... what if I tell you that I'm not really... well, a COO?"

Here it is. My heart is beating fast again.

"O...kay? So, what? You're just a rank-and-file employee? A director? Tay, I'd accept you even if you tell me now that you're a janitor. I don't like you based on your job. Although to be fair, you should've been honest with me from the start," he smiles at me and I can't help but feel sorry for not being honest with him.

"Thank you. But, uhm, no. I'm not a janitor. It's true that my family has a business but... I don't work there."

"Oh. So, you're not really on vacation? Were you just fired from your real job?"

I slowly shake my head, "No."

"Hmm. Then what, Tay?"

I gulp, "I'm a writer."

New's eyes widen, "Writer? What? Really? Wh-why would you hide that from me? That's a great job!"

Well, because of what I write, actually.

"Uhm, yeah. But... I'm not your typical Stephanie Meyer or J.K. Rowling kind of writer."

He raises an eyebrow. "You mean you're not as popular as them? I really don't care."

"Thanks," I reply, brushing my left hand against the nape of my neck. "But that's not what I meant. I'm just not the usual writer. I don't write in their genre."

He leans closer, curiosity sparking in his eyes. "So, what do you write?"

I feel a wave of nervousness wash over me. If he lets go of my hand now, I swear I won't blame him. But I can't bring myself to let go just yet. I'm just beginning to fall in love.

"Are you, um... familiar with the author Orcarius?"

His face shifts into shock as the name registers. He sits up straighter, his expression intense, "You write erotica novels like him?!"

I also sit up, unable to meet his gaze and staring down at my fidgeting hands. "I... I am him."

***

A/N

Hi, guys! Sorry for the late update but here it is!!!!!

Thank you for waiting huhu