People always seem to ask
me about "twin telepathy"
and if it's real or not
I shake my head and say no.
Because if I could read her mind
I would've known that she's
been tearing herself apart
from the inside out
I told her she's not alone
that I'm always here for her
but the grey clouds plaguing
her mind must've blocked it out
because she didn't seem
to get the message
maybe it started with the girl
who played her emotions
like a harp, plucking at her
heart strings until her body
bled and the tides in her mind
changed, shifted, toiled into
a hurricane of anger, sadness,
confusion, and loneliness
or maybe it started when
our mothers and fathers
stopped speaking to the other,
and instead spilled their guys
of foul words into our own
little minds
the reasons I can not pinpoint
exactly, no matter how hard I try.
I told her once that
from across the walls
between our rooms,
I heard crying
she attempted to assure me
that it was only laughter
that she was fine.
god, I wish she wasn't so skilled
at masking her emotions with
some jokes and an upward
curve of the lips
she must have had plenty of
practice perfecting her
masquerade
I remember when we were
younger, I was her captive audience
she made me laugh constantly with
her silly actions and words
but now she barely cracks a smile
towards her friends and family
and all she does is sleep.
and as her body begins to deteriorate
before my weary eyes, mine begins
going through the same process
we branched from the same egg inside
the womb, of course we are connected
but that doesn't mean we share the same
thoughts and feelings, nor do we
know when the other is breaking apart
inside and I wish I knew
how I wished I knew when things went wrong and her skies turned grey.
we always talk about the future
but I know she doesn't see
anything past her suicide date
I wish she could see her endless
beauty, and potential, and her ability
to make the word a better place with
just words written in her notebook
she is NOT worthless,
she is NOT a lost cause
she is my sister
